The Power of the Single Parent: How to Love Your Children

I have three children ages 23, 19 and 16. I love all my children very much. They have brought me much joy and much pain. Without both I would have never grown as a mother and they would not be the fine young men they are today. I must confess though, it took time for me to learn to love my children. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my children from the moment they were in my arms. Every mother has this basic love for their children. But my basic love for them was not enough!

In today’s society we use the word love very flippantly; I love the movies, I love your hair, I love those jeans. The way we see and express love is very different from the way the bible expresses it. There are four different types of love in the bible: Eros, Storge, Philia and Agape.

Eros is the sexual expression of love. It is the lowest form of love in existence. However, it is the form that is most exalted. Sexual images are everywhere!! I can’t even watch a toothpaste commercial without Eros getting in the way. This is the form of love that the devil uses most to bring people down and I must admit he has been very successful at it. But that’s not our topic today.

Then there is Storge, which is the expression of love that we show our friends. If you’ve ever had a close friend you know what type of love I am referring to. When your friend hurts, you hurt. You will go where your friend goes and do things for your friend that you would not do for the average Joe. It is a blessing to have storge love.

Next, there is Philia, which is the expression of love that is shown through your family members. There is a bond between a brother and a sister that is different from any of the other forms of love. Sometimes, Storge and Philia love can be so close that they intertwine. You can love a friend so much until you consider them a brother or sister. However, not much of this type of love exists anymore because the value of the family is not important anymore. In addition, the family dynamic is not sacred and honored any longer. This is truly the age of self-will. Sadly, people do not love their families unless they are getting something from them.

Lastly, there is Agape. This is the type of love that I want to speak to you about today. Agape love is Christ-like love. And believe me, no one knows how to love like this on their own! This is a love that God must show you over time. It is the self-sacrificing, non-partial, unconditional, pure love of God. This love is so unique, so dynamic that it can not be done without your full cooperation with God. Believe me, you have not loved your children until you have Agaped them!

I want you to understand that God knows each and every one of us. He knows us because he made us. And because he made us he knows how to love each one us individually. Understand that God is very objective when it comes to love. He does not love us because we do something good or even because he made us. He loves us because love is who he is! I John 4:8 - He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.

Now, I know you can not love like God because we are not love, we are humans. God’s every decision, every purpose, every thought and every motivation is expressed through love. How deep is that!

When we love our children it is usually based upon our feelings, reasoning, upbringing, and other human mechanisms that help us love. This is not wrong, it is just not Agape. When we Agape our children we will not be partial with them. We will not spoil them. We will correct them. We will never play favorites. We will not put unrealistic expectations on them. We will not make excuses for them. We will train them. We will protect them. We will counsel them. We will reward them. We will show affection towards them. We will speak life to them. We will give them boundaries. We will teach them the meaning of consequences and at times allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions.

The world’s way of loving our children is that we put them first. This is not God’s way. God NEVER SAID to put your child first. If you are married God is first, then your spouse, then you and then your children. If you are not married, God comes first, then you, then your children. This is the family order. If your children are first then they are the ones responsible for the household and the direction of that house. They are not equipped to do that – you are!

The world’s way of loving your children means support your children no matter what. God NEVER SAID to do this. You are to never support your children in their sin or if they are making wrong decisions. NEVER! You are to admonish and correct your children when they sin and tell them they are making wrong decisions and teach them the right ways.

The world’s way of loving your child means to equip them so they can indulge in their lusts. God NEVER SAID to do this. You are to never equip your children to indulge in their lusts. Providing condoms, drugs, alcohol, females, males and other paraphernalia to your children so they can “have a good time” is not God’s way. If God is telling YOU to abstain from sex, why would you equip your child with condoms so they can sex it up? If God is telling YOU not to drink, why would you provide alcohol at your child’s party? If God is telling YOU to wait on a mate, why would you let your child date at fourteen?

When we Agape our children, we show them that God lives us. We must release our rationalizations, feelings, worldly influences and old generational patterns and love our children the way God intended for us to do. This is very hard for some parents to do because pressure from the world and fear that they will not be accepted is controlling their lives. But in order to live in the Kingdom of God, you must follow the King!

Take time to make some changes with your children this week. Pray that God will teach you how to love your child(ren) the Agape way. It took time for me to change just as it will take time for you. But God’s grace is with you.