Dating while being a single parent can be a tricky thing. I chose not to date while my children were young. I waited until my oldest two children were in their late teens and my youngest in his early teens to date. I understand waiting that long may not be for everyone. It’s nice to be able to go out and have your “me time” away from the children. Dating can bring loads of fun into your life or lots of confusion. It all depends on how you do it.
I went over dating in the devotional series The Five Stages of Relationships. You can look that over on your spare time to give you some perspective on the dating process. For those of us who have children and are dating, I have some wisdom that I believe can help you out. Some things I’m sure you know already and some you may not. All in all, I hope this benefits your life.
First, know that it is not weird to want to have companionship. We were made to fellowship. It brings joy, laughter and relief to our souls. I think as single parents we are under a hidden mandate not to date because to some we are doomed to make the same mistake as before – have children out of wedlock. To be honest, I would have to agree…to a point. If you learn to date wisely, your dating experience can be very fulfilling and successful. You may come away with the husband God wants you to have!
Here are some tips I think will be helpful in your dating experience:
1. Talk to you children BEFORE you start dating. Let your children know that you want to have fun and go out. Don’t surprise your children with a man’s presence sitting in your living room. You don’t know how your children will feel about their mom dating another person besides their father. Be very sensitive to your children’s feelings especially if you have a very close bond to them. Most often your children will not want to “loosen” their hold on you.
2. NEVER, EVER, EVER bring a person home to meet your children in the early stages of dating! Why? Because while dating you may be going out with several people at a time. Explaining Joe, John and Dave to your children will be very difficult. Remember, you are allowed to go out with several people at a time while dating (refer to The Five Stages of Relationships: Dating). Have your date meet you at the restaurant, bowling alley etc. Make sure that you are handling yourself in a respectable manner at all times.
3. Do not introduce your date as “Uncle” to your children. Don’t laugh, this still goes on. Please, don’t confuse your children. Be very open and honest with them and your date. Honesty is one of the best virtues to start your relationships with. This way there will never be a misunderstanding.
4. If in the dating process you start to become serious with a person, take time out to have the date talk to you and the children together. Reveal expectations, hopes and known plans so there won’t be any surprises (like – I’m marrying your mom next Tuesday!)
5. If you find that your children are resistant to your dating process – CONSTANTLY let them know that they are very important to you! This is the one thing I did with my children on a consistent basis. I always hugged and kissed my children while letting them know how important they are to me. They never came last! This action reassured them of their place in my life and heart.
6. Do not share gory details of your dating experiences with your children. There were some things my children did not know until after I stopped seeing my date. We laughed about experiences afterwards, but they would not have been funny while I was dating.
7. When the time comes and you bring your date home to meet the family, keep activities light and fun. Play board games, watch the game etc. Try not to talk about serious issues (like your children’s bad mother, your child’s stint in jail or other disastrous dates) as this may scare your date away. These types of issues should be discussed privately. But then there’s that precocious 3 year old that lets the cat out of the bag. For that, just smile, turn slowly toward the kitchen and fix dinner! Lol!
8. If you come to the point where you date does not like your children, you may have to let him/her go. You should never accept a man or woman if they don’t want your children! Many people do this and the relationship between parent and child is always strained. Always remember that when God brings you something or someone there is always peace – Proverbs 10:22 - The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich and he addeth no sorrow with it.
I have to pause here to clarify something. If you are a female with children, your date is looking for someone that fits into his life. Remember, HE that findeth a wife findeth a good thing. It is the man who is looking for his wife. Not the other way around. That being said ladies, you should start grooming your children and life to accommodate the man. Once the right man comes along, you and your children will fit gracefully into his life.
If you are a man that has children and your date does not, you should really be keen as to whether she can handle being a wife and mother! This will be a huge responsibility to take on. Do not pressure her and do not manipulate her in being with you. What you don’t want – men – is to marry a woman that can not handle the burden of parent hood. So, watch closely and communicate constantly. Don’t just accept her saying “It’s going to be ok” because it may not be.
9. Lastly, listen carefully to your children. Sometimes (not all) your child can pick up things from a date that you can not because your emotions are involved. If your child is getting weird vibes from your date: listen and watch. Your child may be right!
Dating can be done successfully – if done wisely! I hope and pray that all single parents that are called to be married fulfill their destinies!
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
The Power of the Single Parent: Discipline – Part 2
I was just re-reading my discussion on Discipline just a few minutes ago. I really feel I need to bring balance to this topic. Correcting your children is absolutely God’s will, IF YOU DO IT CORRECTLY.
Parents, if you are spanking and punishing your child every five minutes I want to tell you that the problem is not with your child, the problem is with YOU! There is no child on this earth that needs to be spanked and punished EVERYDAY! I want to give you several reasons why this type of behavior exists in parents:
a. The parent does not know how to relate to the child. I am finding that some parents do not know how to relate to the child on a Parent/Child level. Most parents relate to their children on a Friend/Friend level. Parents, your job is to PARENT your children, not FRIEND your children. There should be a clear and distinct boundary in which your children must know and respect. If you are too busy trying to be their friend, they will not respect you as their parent, hence behavioral problems from the child. Then, when the child gets out of hand, that’s when you want to start parenting them. Let me be the first to tell you that YOU ARE TOO LATE THEN. You can not parent your children only when they get out of hand. Your parenting must happen everyday and in all situations. It is good to be a friend to your child but be a parent first.
b. The parent puts unrealistic expectations on the child. Another situation I have come across is when parents put too much pressure on their child to be something they can not be. Most times this happens when the parent wants their child to fulfill the dreams that they missed out on in life. Fathers who missed the opportunity to become a basketball player make their child play basketball when the child isn’t even interested in sports. Also, the child may only be able to make a C average in school, but the parent forces the child to make A’s. Believe me, every child is not an honor roll student. The important thing to do is to tell your child that God can give them favor when they work and study to the best of their ability. This will relieve your child of unnecessary pressures of being someone they are not.
c. The parent is either jealous or does not like their child. YES, parents can be jealous and/or not like their children. I grew up in households where my parents were jealous of me. So much so, that over time they tried to strip away my identity. This ultimately caused a self hatred in me that only God could fix. Even still, to this day I run into many women that try to make me into who they want me to be and not accept me for who I am. Thank God that I know how to deal with that now and that I love and accept me for who God created me to be. But if I was the person I used to be twenty years ago, there’s no telling where I would be.
Secondly, I am amazed at parents who try to change their child’s looks, personality, mannerisms because they do not like them. Parents of children who are introverted try to make them into social butterflies. Children who are innately social are forced to “sit down and shut up”. Parents, it is not your job to change your children into a figment of your imagination!! It is your job to develop and love your children to be the best they can be. Most parents who try to change their children have severe problems accepting them for who GOD made them to be. Children are very sensitive to being loved and unloved. They know (but may not be able to express) what is going on between you and them. The results of a child who feels unloved and unaccepted is extreme acting out and ultimately indulging in bad behaviors (smoking, sexual activities, drugs). This is very serious because over time the child will feel rejected, hated and will ultimately try to commit suicide. They will also hate their parents and other authority figures. Parents if this is you, you MUST REPENT! Admit that you do not like your child or are jealous of them and change your ways. Learn to love your child and accept them for who GOD made them to be. If you have an active child, stop being lazy and get active with them. If you have a child who is introverted, talk and hug your child a lot to let them know that they are accepted. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR CHILD! And you as the parent should tell them that.
d. The parent has emotional or mental issues. There are extreme cases of parents that have emotional and mental issues. Parents that have suffered abuse over a long period of time can inflict that same abuse onto their children. Parents who have mental issues may not even know the damage they are doing to their children. In these cases it is best to seek professional help so that damage to both the parent and child can cease. Parents with emotional issues must understand that bitterness, anger, resentment and unforgiveness can be healed but they must want the healing. Healing can take place through counseling, prayer deep relationship with God. There are some things that can not be changed. But what can change is how you think and how you behave toward your children. God can and will help you with that.
e. The parent sees him/herself in the child and does not know how to deal with that. This is more common than you think. Parents have children that exhibit the same behaviors as they did when they were young. Parents see an unfavorable mirror image of themselves and think they can spank or punish those attributes out of the child. Well, lets get to the meat of this issue: the parent really does not like THEMSELVES. The solution to this issue is for the parent to FORGIVE, LOVE AND ACCEPT THEMSELVES! Once you are able to do this, you will love and accept your children.
f. The parent sees the child getting in the way of their goals. Some parents who spank and punish their children do this because they think their children are in the way of them pursuing their life long goals. The have a severe case of the “regrets”. Let me mildly say that your children did not ask to be here. As a matter of fact, they were destined to be here and once you accept that, you will accept them as being a blessing to your life and your goals and not a curse. Secondly, don’t forget the order of your home: God, Family, Work. Your child comes before your job. That will also help you relieve the frustration of parenting and work life.
All these behaviors can cause parents to become frustrated and angry resulting in over spanking and punishing their children. I’m sure there are many more but these are the ones I hear about most frequently.
I hoped this helped bring balance to the topic of discipline. Being a single parent is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. But when we learn to get in line with the way God wants us to parent we can be very successful parents raising wonderful well balanced children.
Parents, if you are spanking and punishing your child every five minutes I want to tell you that the problem is not with your child, the problem is with YOU! There is no child on this earth that needs to be spanked and punished EVERYDAY! I want to give you several reasons why this type of behavior exists in parents:
a. The parent does not know how to relate to the child. I am finding that some parents do not know how to relate to the child on a Parent/Child level. Most parents relate to their children on a Friend/Friend level. Parents, your job is to PARENT your children, not FRIEND your children. There should be a clear and distinct boundary in which your children must know and respect. If you are too busy trying to be their friend, they will not respect you as their parent, hence behavioral problems from the child. Then, when the child gets out of hand, that’s when you want to start parenting them. Let me be the first to tell you that YOU ARE TOO LATE THEN. You can not parent your children only when they get out of hand. Your parenting must happen everyday and in all situations. It is good to be a friend to your child but be a parent first.
b. The parent puts unrealistic expectations on the child. Another situation I have come across is when parents put too much pressure on their child to be something they can not be. Most times this happens when the parent wants their child to fulfill the dreams that they missed out on in life. Fathers who missed the opportunity to become a basketball player make their child play basketball when the child isn’t even interested in sports. Also, the child may only be able to make a C average in school, but the parent forces the child to make A’s. Believe me, every child is not an honor roll student. The important thing to do is to tell your child that God can give them favor when they work and study to the best of their ability. This will relieve your child of unnecessary pressures of being someone they are not.
c. The parent is either jealous or does not like their child. YES, parents can be jealous and/or not like their children. I grew up in households where my parents were jealous of me. So much so, that over time they tried to strip away my identity. This ultimately caused a self hatred in me that only God could fix. Even still, to this day I run into many women that try to make me into who they want me to be and not accept me for who I am. Thank God that I know how to deal with that now and that I love and accept me for who God created me to be. But if I was the person I used to be twenty years ago, there’s no telling where I would be.
Secondly, I am amazed at parents who try to change their child’s looks, personality, mannerisms because they do not like them. Parents of children who are introverted try to make them into social butterflies. Children who are innately social are forced to “sit down and shut up”. Parents, it is not your job to change your children into a figment of your imagination!! It is your job to develop and love your children to be the best they can be. Most parents who try to change their children have severe problems accepting them for who GOD made them to be. Children are very sensitive to being loved and unloved. They know (but may not be able to express) what is going on between you and them. The results of a child who feels unloved and unaccepted is extreme acting out and ultimately indulging in bad behaviors (smoking, sexual activities, drugs). This is very serious because over time the child will feel rejected, hated and will ultimately try to commit suicide. They will also hate their parents and other authority figures. Parents if this is you, you MUST REPENT! Admit that you do not like your child or are jealous of them and change your ways. Learn to love your child and accept them for who GOD made them to be. If you have an active child, stop being lazy and get active with them. If you have a child who is introverted, talk and hug your child a lot to let them know that they are accepted. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR CHILD! And you as the parent should tell them that.
d. The parent has emotional or mental issues. There are extreme cases of parents that have emotional and mental issues. Parents that have suffered abuse over a long period of time can inflict that same abuse onto their children. Parents who have mental issues may not even know the damage they are doing to their children. In these cases it is best to seek professional help so that damage to both the parent and child can cease. Parents with emotional issues must understand that bitterness, anger, resentment and unforgiveness can be healed but they must want the healing. Healing can take place through counseling, prayer deep relationship with God. There are some things that can not be changed. But what can change is how you think and how you behave toward your children. God can and will help you with that.
e. The parent sees him/herself in the child and does not know how to deal with that. This is more common than you think. Parents have children that exhibit the same behaviors as they did when they were young. Parents see an unfavorable mirror image of themselves and think they can spank or punish those attributes out of the child. Well, lets get to the meat of this issue: the parent really does not like THEMSELVES. The solution to this issue is for the parent to FORGIVE, LOVE AND ACCEPT THEMSELVES! Once you are able to do this, you will love and accept your children.
f. The parent sees the child getting in the way of their goals. Some parents who spank and punish their children do this because they think their children are in the way of them pursuing their life long goals. The have a severe case of the “regrets”. Let me mildly say that your children did not ask to be here. As a matter of fact, they were destined to be here and once you accept that, you will accept them as being a blessing to your life and your goals and not a curse. Secondly, don’t forget the order of your home: God, Family, Work. Your child comes before your job. That will also help you relieve the frustration of parenting and work life.
All these behaviors can cause parents to become frustrated and angry resulting in over spanking and punishing their children. I’m sure there are many more but these are the ones I hear about most frequently.
I hoped this helped bring balance to the topic of discipline. Being a single parent is not easy, by any stretch of the imagination. But when we learn to get in line with the way God wants us to parent we can be very successful parents raising wonderful well balanced children.
The Power of the Single Parent: Discipline
Discipline is always a hot topic when discussing how to raise your children. There are two very different ends of the spectrum when discussing discipline. Either people want to discipline their children or they don’t. Well want to tell you that God is for disciplining your children. There are different methods of disciplining your children and I will discuss them briefly today. Now, again, I am going to have to remind you that according to GOD’S STANDARD, He condones SPANKING – (and I will prove it). However, God does not condone ABUSE! Spanking and abuse is two different things. First, let’s look at abuse.
Abuse means to misuse something or someone out of its original purpose. For instance, let’s take a chair. A chair was designed to be sat on. There are three different ways I can misuse the original purpose of a chair. I can throw a chair, kick it and I can stand on it. The chair was not made for this type of use and as a result of my abuse I can damage the chair. The same happens with your children. Your children were not designed to be kicked, thrown and stood on. A person that does this misuses the original purpose of the child. The mechanism in which we discipline our children is called correction – which is to spank you child.
Now, before I break this down I want you to understand the purpose of discipline. All forms discipline should be used to make a disciple out of your children. Not a disciple of Jesus, but a disciple of the order and authority of your home. If you discipline your children correctly, they will willingly and humbly follow the rules you set.
There are many forms of correction: talking (which seems to be most popular, yet the most ineffective in severe cases), standing in the corner (for the tots); restrictions of toys or pleasures; sending children away to live with other people (not recommended, unless in extreme and abusive situations). All of these are forms of correction and can be very effective if used wisely and carefully. But I want to talk about two forms of correction that is the most heated forms to discuss: spanking and suffering consequences.
Whew – it’s getting hot in here already!
Here is how God feels about spanking:
Proverbs 22:15 – Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the ROD OF CORRECTION shall drive it far from him.
1. Spanking should be done with a rod. Not your hands. Your child should fear the rod, not you. They should respect you. When a parent corrects with their hands the child fears them which will ultimately cause the child to act right out of fear, not out of love. Spanking should be done with love.
2. The reason to spank your child is to drive foolishness from them The scripture says foolishness is interwoven in the heart of a child. When a child is disobedient, talks back, says fresh things and consistently does not listen to the parent, God calls this foolishness. The more a parent allows these behaviors the harder it will be to drive them from the child.
Proverbs 13:24 - He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early).
God is saying that if you withhold spanking from your child (when they deserve to be spanked) you HATE your child. That is strong words coming from our God. When you spank your child you are teaching them the principle of boundaries! Oh, how people violate boundaries! If you let your child do whatever he wants you are training your child to overstep boundaries with can lead to dire consequences later in life. If you do this God says you hate your children. Always remember, love promotes boundaries.
Next let’s discuss allowing your children to suffer consequences as a form of correction.
Psalm 78:29-33: So they did eat and were well filled for he gave them their own desire; They were not estranged from their lust. But while their meat was yet in their mouths, The wrath of God came upon them, and slew the fattest of them, and smote down the chosen men of Israel. For all this they sinned still, and believed not for his wondrous works. Therefore their days did he consume in vanity, and their years in trouble.
You know, I talk to many parents, both men and women. And just below spanking, allowing your children to suffer the consequences of their actions is the most avoided form of correction. Parents have a very difficult time with this form of correction because they don’t want to see their child suffer in any way. Well, I want to tell you that God, who is The Father of all Christians, WILL ALLOW YOU TO SUFFER as a form of correction.
God has a lot of mercy, but his patience does run out. As we can see in this scripture God watched the Israelites mummer, complain, and sin until his patience ran out. God gave the Israelites what they wanted until it consumed them and brought them anguish and trouble their whole life. The Israelites lived the rest of their lives completely out of His will.
Now, is that cruel? Absolutely not! God has to show us that he has a will and we must follow it. Since you are the parent and leader of your home there is a will for your house and your children must follow it. Sometimes talking, taking things and even spanking may not work on a child who is bent on doing what they want to do. In these times you must step back and allow the consequences of their actions to take over. Many, many parents run to the aid of their children at every whim. If you are this type of parent, your child will never grow up to be a responsible adult.
Another instance in the bible that speaks of consequences of actions is that of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). I think we all know the story. The son became very indignant and demanded his part of the inheritance and went out and spent it on wasteful living. It just so happened that a famine hit the land and the son became so poor he resulted to eating from pig’s pen. But one thing you never read in the scripture is that the father went after the son. He never sent a messenger to look for him nor did he ask the authorities to bring him home. The father allowed his son to suffer the consequences of his rebellion. Eventually, the son came back to his senses and went back home…humbled!
Allowing your children to suffer the consequences of their actions will bring humility where there was pride and obedience where there was rebellion. Yes, they will hurt but the hurt will ultimately be for their good.
Abuse means to misuse something or someone out of its original purpose. For instance, let’s take a chair. A chair was designed to be sat on. There are three different ways I can misuse the original purpose of a chair. I can throw a chair, kick it and I can stand on it. The chair was not made for this type of use and as a result of my abuse I can damage the chair. The same happens with your children. Your children were not designed to be kicked, thrown and stood on. A person that does this misuses the original purpose of the child. The mechanism in which we discipline our children is called correction – which is to spank you child.
Now, before I break this down I want you to understand the purpose of discipline. All forms discipline should be used to make a disciple out of your children. Not a disciple of Jesus, but a disciple of the order and authority of your home. If you discipline your children correctly, they will willingly and humbly follow the rules you set.
There are many forms of correction: talking (which seems to be most popular, yet the most ineffective in severe cases), standing in the corner (for the tots); restrictions of toys or pleasures; sending children away to live with other people (not recommended, unless in extreme and abusive situations). All of these are forms of correction and can be very effective if used wisely and carefully. But I want to talk about two forms of correction that is the most heated forms to discuss: spanking and suffering consequences.
Whew – it’s getting hot in here already!
Here is how God feels about spanking:
Proverbs 22:15 – Foolishness is bound in the heart of a child, but the ROD OF CORRECTION shall drive it far from him.
1. Spanking should be done with a rod. Not your hands. Your child should fear the rod, not you. They should respect you. When a parent corrects with their hands the child fears them which will ultimately cause the child to act right out of fear, not out of love. Spanking should be done with love.
2. The reason to spank your child is to drive foolishness from them The scripture says foolishness is interwoven in the heart of a child. When a child is disobedient, talks back, says fresh things and consistently does not listen to the parent, God calls this foolishness. The more a parent allows these behaviors the harder it will be to drive them from the child.
Proverbs 13:24 - He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes (early).
God is saying that if you withhold spanking from your child (when they deserve to be spanked) you HATE your child. That is strong words coming from our God. When you spank your child you are teaching them the principle of boundaries! Oh, how people violate boundaries! If you let your child do whatever he wants you are training your child to overstep boundaries with can lead to dire consequences later in life. If you do this God says you hate your children. Always remember, love promotes boundaries.
Next let’s discuss allowing your children to suffer consequences as a form of correction.
Psalm 78:29-33: So they did eat and were well filled for he gave them their own desire; They were not estranged from their lust. But while their meat was yet in their mouths, The wrath of God came upon them, and slew the fattest of them, and smote down the chosen men of Israel. For all this they sinned still, and believed not for his wondrous works. Therefore their days did he consume in vanity, and their years in trouble.
You know, I talk to many parents, both men and women. And just below spanking, allowing your children to suffer the consequences of their actions is the most avoided form of correction. Parents have a very difficult time with this form of correction because they don’t want to see their child suffer in any way. Well, I want to tell you that God, who is The Father of all Christians, WILL ALLOW YOU TO SUFFER as a form of correction.
God has a lot of mercy, but his patience does run out. As we can see in this scripture God watched the Israelites mummer, complain, and sin until his patience ran out. God gave the Israelites what they wanted until it consumed them and brought them anguish and trouble their whole life. The Israelites lived the rest of their lives completely out of His will.
Now, is that cruel? Absolutely not! God has to show us that he has a will and we must follow it. Since you are the parent and leader of your home there is a will for your house and your children must follow it. Sometimes talking, taking things and even spanking may not work on a child who is bent on doing what they want to do. In these times you must step back and allow the consequences of their actions to take over. Many, many parents run to the aid of their children at every whim. If you are this type of parent, your child will never grow up to be a responsible adult.
Another instance in the bible that speaks of consequences of actions is that of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32). I think we all know the story. The son became very indignant and demanded his part of the inheritance and went out and spent it on wasteful living. It just so happened that a famine hit the land and the son became so poor he resulted to eating from pig’s pen. But one thing you never read in the scripture is that the father went after the son. He never sent a messenger to look for him nor did he ask the authorities to bring him home. The father allowed his son to suffer the consequences of his rebellion. Eventually, the son came back to his senses and went back home…humbled!
Allowing your children to suffer the consequences of their actions will bring humility where there was pride and obedience where there was rebellion. Yes, they will hurt but the hurt will ultimately be for their good.
What are you Called to Do?: Your Purpose
Have you ever asked yourself this question: What is my purpose? What was I born to do? If so, this series if for you. I hope you will have (at the least) an idea of what your purpose/call is and have the push to get up and start it.
Let me give you some tips to help lead you in the right directionis and help you discover your purpose:
1. You do have a purpose. Yes, you do have a purpose! I understand that there are times when you feel like you have no idea who you are and what you were put here to do, but you DO have a purpose. How do I know? Well, because I know God doesn’t make anything that doesn’t have a purpose! God uniquely designed you to do something for him and he assigned you to do it before you were born. Jeremiah 1:5 - Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. See that? God purposed you to do an assignment BEFORE you came out of your mother’s belly. I’m going to digress a little and tell you this is one of the reasons why God is against abortion. Not only does abortion kill the baby, but the purpose for that child is killed as well.
But again, I digress.
2. You will only find your true purpose in God. As a Christian, you work in and with the Kingdom of God. Your purpose is not in the kingdom of Satan. You can not do Satan’s assignment and call it God. That will not work. God’s kingdom has very different rules and requirements than the kingdom of Satan. Acts 26:18 - ...To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. See, once you are born again God has to turn you from the power of Satan to God. That means your whole purpose is changed!!
3. You are accountable for your call, whether you know what it is or not. Many people spend an exorbitant amount of money, time and effort in the wrong profession and even ministry. There are some prophets that are really supposed to be evangelists. There are some doctors that are supposed to be architects. Yes, many, many people are in the wrong calling! But regardless, you are accountable for it. Luke 12:47-48 And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given , of him shall be much required : and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more. Notice this scripture doesn’t say that the person who didn’t know what thier call was would not get beat. It says he will be beaten with few stripes. This means that even though you don’t know you are accountable for finding out.
4. You must do the purpose of God no matter what is costs you. See, it is God’s purpose for your life, not your mamma’s, cousin’s, aunt’s and even pastor’s. No one supersedes God! Your purpose/call comes from Him whether your family members agree with it or not. This is sometimes hard for people to accept because some families have businesses that are passed down from generation to generation. Or even the parents have high hopes for their child and want the child to do what they want them to do. This is nice but God may not want you to be in that business or even the thing that their parents want them to do. You will have to learn how to do the call that God has for you even if it makes your family mad. This explains (in this context) what Jesus meant when he said in Matthew 10:35, 37 - For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. See, Christ comes first in EVERYTHING! There will be times in your life when you will have the choice of siding with your family, friends and even your own will against the will of God.
5. Your call will bring glory to God. Whatever God wants you to do will ultimately bring HIM glory. God never promised that your purpose would make you rich, popular and bring fame. He will, however, get the glory from your life. This is important to know because many people, even Christians, are looking for riches and glory. If their job doesn’t give them that they don’t want to do it. Riches and glory is not God’s focus. His purpose for your life is fulfill HIS will whether you get riches or not. However, there are some people that God will bless with riches, but the riches are again for HIS glory. The riches will not be for the person to consume on themselves.
6. You will suffer for your call – Matthew 19:27-29 Then answered Peter and said unto him, Behold , we have FORSAKEN ALL, and followed thee; what shall we have therefore? And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. Notice, the disciples forsook (or left) all! They answered the call of God and it cost them all that they had. But there is a reward for those that left everything to follow God and fulfill his purpose.
What I would like you to do today is pray and ask God what is the purpose for your life. I’m getting a lesson ahead of myself because I will cover this on Wednesday, but I want you to focus on God and His will for your life. Remember, you should be doing the thing HE wants you to do.
I believe the next topic will help shed light on the purpose God has for your life.
See ya.
Let me give you some tips to help lead you in the right directionis and help you discover your purpose:
1. You do have a purpose. Yes, you do have a purpose! I understand that there are times when you feel like you have no idea who you are and what you were put here to do, but you DO have a purpose. How do I know? Well, because I know God doesn’t make anything that doesn’t have a purpose! God uniquely designed you to do something for him and he assigned you to do it before you were born. Jeremiah 1:5 - Before I formed thee in the belly I knew thee; and before thou camest forth out of the womb I sanctified thee, and I ordained thee a prophet unto the nations. See that? God purposed you to do an assignment BEFORE you came out of your mother’s belly. I’m going to digress a little and tell you this is one of the reasons why God is against abortion. Not only does abortion kill the baby, but the purpose for that child is killed as well.
But again, I digress.
2. You will only find your true purpose in God. As a Christian, you work in and with the Kingdom of God. Your purpose is not in the kingdom of Satan. You can not do Satan’s assignment and call it God. That will not work. God’s kingdom has very different rules and requirements than the kingdom of Satan. Acts 26:18 - ...To open their eyes, and to turn them from darkness to light, and from the power of Satan unto God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins, and inheritance among them which are sanctified by faith that is in me. See, once you are born again God has to turn you from the power of Satan to God. That means your whole purpose is changed!!
3. You are accountable for your call, whether you know what it is or not. Many people spend an exorbitant amount of money, time and effort in the wrong profession and even ministry. There are some prophets that are really supposed to be evangelists. There are some doctors that are supposed to be architects. Yes, many, many people are in the wrong calling! But regardless, you are accountable for it. Luke 12:47-48 And that servant, which knew his lord's will, and prepared not himself, neither did according to his will, shall be beaten with many stripes. But he that knew not, and did commit things worthy of stripes, shall be beaten with few stripes. For unto whomsoever much is given , of him shall be much required : and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more. Notice this scripture doesn’t say that the person who didn’t know what thier call was would not get beat. It says he will be beaten with few stripes. This means that even though you don’t know you are accountable for finding out.
4. You must do the purpose of God no matter what is costs you. See, it is God’s purpose for your life, not your mamma’s, cousin’s, aunt’s and even pastor’s. No one supersedes God! Your purpose/call comes from Him whether your family members agree with it or not. This is sometimes hard for people to accept because some families have businesses that are passed down from generation to generation. Or even the parents have high hopes for their child and want the child to do what they want them to do. This is nice but God may not want you to be in that business or even the thing that their parents want them to do. You will have to learn how to do the call that God has for you even if it makes your family mad. This explains (in this context) what Jesus meant when he said in Matthew 10:35, 37 - For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. See, Christ comes first in EVERYTHING! There will be times in your life when you will have the choice of siding with your family, friends and even your own will against the will of God.
5. Your call will bring glory to God. Whatever God wants you to do will ultimately bring HIM glory. God never promised that your purpose would make you rich, popular and bring fame. He will, however, get the glory from your life. This is important to know because many people, even Christians, are looking for riches and glory. If their job doesn’t give them that they don’t want to do it. Riches and glory is not God’s focus. His purpose for your life is fulfill HIS will whether you get riches or not. However, there are some people that God will bless with riches, but the riches are again for HIS glory. The riches will not be for the person to consume on themselves.
6. You will suffer for your call – Matthew 19:27-29 Then answered Peter and said unto him, Behold , we have FORSAKEN ALL, and followed thee; what shall we have therefore? And Jesus said unto them, Verily I say unto you, That ye which have followed me, in the regeneration when the Son of man shall sit in the throne of his glory, ye also shall sit upon twelve thrones, judging the twelve tribes of Israel. And every one that hath forsaken houses, or brethren, or sisters, or father, or mother, or wife, or children, or lands, for my name's sake, shall receive an hundredfold, and shall inherit everlasting life. Notice, the disciples forsook (or left) all! They answered the call of God and it cost them all that they had. But there is a reward for those that left everything to follow God and fulfill his purpose.
What I would like you to do today is pray and ask God what is the purpose for your life. I’m getting a lesson ahead of myself because I will cover this on Wednesday, but I want you to focus on God and His will for your life. Remember, you should be doing the thing HE wants you to do.
I believe the next topic will help shed light on the purpose God has for your life.
See ya.
The Power of the Single Parent: Time Management
When I was a young mother I was not orderly at all. Whenever I “had the chance” to do something was when I did it. Needless to say, my home was in disarray.
That all changed when I gave my life to Christ. I wish I could tell you that I had someone more mature than me to teach me how to keep my home and raise my children but I didn’t. I learned from the best – The Holy Spirit. As a matter of fact, most of the things I know I learned from Him. Many of the older mothers were too busy trying to be young to teach me anything. So I had to learn and depend on Him. Who better to learn from anyway?
I remember my first training session from the Holy Spirit. My apartment was a mess. As a matter of fact, it was filthy. I was sitting on the couch watching television and all of a sudden I had the urge to get up and clean. I picked up a bottle of disinfectant and began cleaning. When I was done my apartment was orderly, clean and smelling good. I had no idea how long I had been cleaning nor did I care because the end result was fantastic! I looked around and was very pleased. From that day forward I listened to the Holy Spirit on how to keep a home clean and organized. Everything in my apartment had its place and I made sure that everything stayed in it’s place. As a single parent with three children it would seem like a great feat to accomplish. But it isn’t when you have spiritual help. All you have to do is cooperate with God.
What I hear most from parents is that a) there is not enough time in the day; b) I’m too busy; c) they tell me about the 3, 4, 5 or 6 children they have; and d) I’m just not that type of person. Well I’m going to take my time and refute each one of these excuses and you will see that you will be able to manage you time effective and see the results that you desire. Let’s begin:
a). There is not enough time in the day. This is a good one because it would seem to ring true. There are 24 hours in a day. You spend 8 sleeping, 8 at work and 2 hours traveling to and from your destinations. When you get home there’s an hour to cook and an hour to help with homework. That’s 22, right? Right. That other four hours you want your children and everyone else to leave you alone so you can breathe. So, where is the time to be orderly? Here is your answer: God will stretch your time! That’s right. If you ask God to stretch your time he will. You will find that soon you will only need 6 or 7 hours of sleep (that’s an extra 1-2 hours), you will only need to travel 1-1.5 hours to get to your destinations (that’s an ½ to 1 hour extra), you will learn how to combine cooking time and doing homework which will shave off about ½ to an hour. So the total time you have to work with is no longer 4 but 8!
One of God’s names is Alpha and Omega (the Beginning and the End). He is the God of our time. He should start and end your day, everyday. I guarantee you if you put God first he will teach you how to utilize your time more effectively so that you will get more things done.
b). I’m too busy. No you’re not. You just have to prioritize. Your home comes first. When I was younger I spent much of my time at church. I was on three ministries and every church service. This, my friends, was NOT the will of God. I had to step down from two ministries and attend the services that fit into my schedule. Believe it or not, God does not want us to put church first, he wants us to put HIM first. If your house and children are out of order you must review your priorities and make the appropriate adjustments. It’s amazing to me how people can find time to have two jobs but have absolutely no time for their home and children. People, don’t put your home in jeopardy for the dollar bill. It just isn’t worth it.
c). I have 3, 4, 5 or 6 children. God knows how many children you have and it really doesn’t matter to him. He will work with you as you cooperate with Him. There will be many days you will be tired, but if you pray God will give you the strength to keep moving. Stop telling God what you have and ask for what you need. He will provide it.
One practical thing I have learned to do when raising my children was to include them in the household schedule. Did you know that the first stage of developing your children’s work ethic comes from home? I taught my sons how to clean, cook, iron at a very young age. Everyone had chores. Everyone! When my children were four their chore was to pick up the pieces of paper off the floor and put it in the trash. My middle son knew how to iron his own clothes, wash and fold clothes at seven. When I would come home from work, he would have all the clothes neatly piled and ready to be put away. Single parents, you do not have to kill yourselves while raising your children. You will find that they will enjoy housework and will help you but you have to train them.
d) I’m just not that type of person. My answer to that is: You’ll be surprised what you can do when you put forth the effort. Most of us (including myself) use our shortcomings as an excuse not to push ourselves to the next level. This is not God’s way. Joel 3:10 states “Let the weak say that I’m strong!”. If time management is not your forte, fear not. Don’t “not try” or give up. Push yourself. Test yourself. Develop yourself. If you are persistent you will see change in a short period of time.
Just as a side note, I want to tell you that you can be manage your time to spend quality time with your children. When I was raising my sons I made sure that I spent time with them. Every Saturday was Family Day. I made sure that we spent time together, even if I didn’t have money. There are a lot of free events you can take your children to. They will appreciate your efforts and thank you later in life.
No one is a time management guru, even if they claim to be. However, if you give your time over to God you will see pleasant changes in the days ahead.
That all changed when I gave my life to Christ. I wish I could tell you that I had someone more mature than me to teach me how to keep my home and raise my children but I didn’t. I learned from the best – The Holy Spirit. As a matter of fact, most of the things I know I learned from Him. Many of the older mothers were too busy trying to be young to teach me anything. So I had to learn and depend on Him. Who better to learn from anyway?
I remember my first training session from the Holy Spirit. My apartment was a mess. As a matter of fact, it was filthy. I was sitting on the couch watching television and all of a sudden I had the urge to get up and clean. I picked up a bottle of disinfectant and began cleaning. When I was done my apartment was orderly, clean and smelling good. I had no idea how long I had been cleaning nor did I care because the end result was fantastic! I looked around and was very pleased. From that day forward I listened to the Holy Spirit on how to keep a home clean and organized. Everything in my apartment had its place and I made sure that everything stayed in it’s place. As a single parent with three children it would seem like a great feat to accomplish. But it isn’t when you have spiritual help. All you have to do is cooperate with God.
What I hear most from parents is that a) there is not enough time in the day; b) I’m too busy; c) they tell me about the 3, 4, 5 or 6 children they have; and d) I’m just not that type of person. Well I’m going to take my time and refute each one of these excuses and you will see that you will be able to manage you time effective and see the results that you desire. Let’s begin:
a). There is not enough time in the day. This is a good one because it would seem to ring true. There are 24 hours in a day. You spend 8 sleeping, 8 at work and 2 hours traveling to and from your destinations. When you get home there’s an hour to cook and an hour to help with homework. That’s 22, right? Right. That other four hours you want your children and everyone else to leave you alone so you can breathe. So, where is the time to be orderly? Here is your answer: God will stretch your time! That’s right. If you ask God to stretch your time he will. You will find that soon you will only need 6 or 7 hours of sleep (that’s an extra 1-2 hours), you will only need to travel 1-1.5 hours to get to your destinations (that’s an ½ to 1 hour extra), you will learn how to combine cooking time and doing homework which will shave off about ½ to an hour. So the total time you have to work with is no longer 4 but 8!
One of God’s names is Alpha and Omega (the Beginning and the End). He is the God of our time. He should start and end your day, everyday. I guarantee you if you put God first he will teach you how to utilize your time more effectively so that you will get more things done.
b). I’m too busy. No you’re not. You just have to prioritize. Your home comes first. When I was younger I spent much of my time at church. I was on three ministries and every church service. This, my friends, was NOT the will of God. I had to step down from two ministries and attend the services that fit into my schedule. Believe it or not, God does not want us to put church first, he wants us to put HIM first. If your house and children are out of order you must review your priorities and make the appropriate adjustments. It’s amazing to me how people can find time to have two jobs but have absolutely no time for their home and children. People, don’t put your home in jeopardy for the dollar bill. It just isn’t worth it.
c). I have 3, 4, 5 or 6 children. God knows how many children you have and it really doesn’t matter to him. He will work with you as you cooperate with Him. There will be many days you will be tired, but if you pray God will give you the strength to keep moving. Stop telling God what you have and ask for what you need. He will provide it.
One practical thing I have learned to do when raising my children was to include them in the household schedule. Did you know that the first stage of developing your children’s work ethic comes from home? I taught my sons how to clean, cook, iron at a very young age. Everyone had chores. Everyone! When my children were four their chore was to pick up the pieces of paper off the floor and put it in the trash. My middle son knew how to iron his own clothes, wash and fold clothes at seven. When I would come home from work, he would have all the clothes neatly piled and ready to be put away. Single parents, you do not have to kill yourselves while raising your children. You will find that they will enjoy housework and will help you but you have to train them.
d) I’m just not that type of person. My answer to that is: You’ll be surprised what you can do when you put forth the effort. Most of us (including myself) use our shortcomings as an excuse not to push ourselves to the next level. This is not God’s way. Joel 3:10 states “Let the weak say that I’m strong!”. If time management is not your forte, fear not. Don’t “not try” or give up. Push yourself. Test yourself. Develop yourself. If you are persistent you will see change in a short period of time.
Just as a side note, I want to tell you that you can be manage your time to spend quality time with your children. When I was raising my sons I made sure that I spent time with them. Every Saturday was Family Day. I made sure that we spent time together, even if I didn’t have money. There are a lot of free events you can take your children to. They will appreciate your efforts and thank you later in life.
No one is a time management guru, even if they claim to be. However, if you give your time over to God you will see pleasant changes in the days ahead.
The Power of the Single Parent: How to Train Your Children
Proverbs 22:6 -Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.
We as parents have the very difficult job of training our children. Many of you may be offended at this scripture because of the word train. People often think that animals should be trained and not humans. The bible states differently. Your children are to be trained so that they can live a Christ-like lifestyle.
I want you to understand that teaching your children and training them is two different things. You can teach from afar, much like I do when I write these devotionals. But training is different. Training must be done up close and personal. There are many things you must train your child to do as they grow into young men and women. There are different levels of training and various ways to train depending on your child(ren). However, one thing is common among all training that is done with your children: You must train them according to God’s ways!
Parents, you have the task of training your children to do things God’s way – in everything! Yes, in housekeeping, saving their money, making and keeping friends, dealing with people that do not like them, getting a job, listening to authority…everything. The foundation of all your training should be Christ!
I am completely dumbfounded at how much parents train their children to do all the wrong things and expect their children to not have pre-marital sex, not to have children out of wedlock, stay out of jail, stay drug free, etc. Children mostly do what they are trained or permitted to do.
Secondly, I am flabbergasted at parents who literally expect their children to fail! Most parents EXPECT their children to have premarital sex. They EXPECT their children to try drugs and drink. How do I know? Because this is the comment that I get most often when I speak to parents “They are going to do it anyway…” Parents, your children do not HAVE TO sin! If you train them to be godly, most likely your children will not indulge in ungodliness. I can not count the times when parents ask me if I am a grandmother yet…as if they EXPECT me to be a grandmother! These same parents get almost indignant when I tell them that I believe God for my sons and pray that they will not have any children until they get older and be married to the right woman. They look at me as if it’s something wrong with ME!
This is how backwards the world is today. People have changed godliness into sin and sin into godliness! When you train your child you must train them according to the bible, no matter how you feel or what you think about it. There were some things that my parents permitted me to do that was outright anti-God! I did not permit my children to indulge in those behaviors. I now have grown children and they will tell you that when they are in ungodliness I warn them and tell them that their behaviors are unacceptable and they will be held accountable for them. No, I do not baby them. I hold them responsible for their actions, just like God will hold us responsible for our actions.
While training your children you must have biblical standards and stand firm on them. I don’t care if it is 2009 or 2050, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever and His word will not change! Your standards should not fluctuate with the year. Stand firm. Also, many parents compromise their standards because their children don’t like the rules. The training is not for your children to “like”. The training is for their growth and development. You have to constantly explain to your children that the rules and standards are for THEIR future, not yours. Once your children are of age God will hold them accountable for what they have been taught. God will in turn reward you for your diligence and faithfulness in training your children.
This reminds me of the many singers who were raised in church with godly parents that are now singing for Satan. Can you imagine the damage those singers would have made to Satan’s kingdom? But now they are furthering it. This is so disheartening. One scripture in the Old Testament comes to mind when I think of these singers: Leviticus 19:29 - Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom , and the land become full of wickedness. Yes, there are many parents who are prostituting their children. Most of them are not in the back alleys. They are on stage and television.
Also, I must mention one more important thing when training your children. You must train your children to identify their strengths AND weaknesses. Many, many parents pay more attention to their child’s strengths and do not warn them of their weaknesses. This is what causes our children to fail in life. We give worldly synonyms for our children’s weaknesses. For example - The world calls rebellion a free spirit. However, God calls it witchcraft. (I Samuel 15:23- For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry). The world calls pride independence. The bible calls it the prelude to destruction. (Proverbs 16:18 - Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall). Call their weaknesses what they are and stop making excuses for your children.
Parents, training your children is not easy especially with all the worldly and demonic influences that are out today. But if God said for you to train your children then that is what he means. Yes, you will be talked about, your children will say they hate you and many influences will be against you. But if God be for you, who can be against you?
Remember single parents, you have power with God. Tap into it. The Lord is with you!
We as parents have the very difficult job of training our children. Many of you may be offended at this scripture because of the word train. People often think that animals should be trained and not humans. The bible states differently. Your children are to be trained so that they can live a Christ-like lifestyle.
I want you to understand that teaching your children and training them is two different things. You can teach from afar, much like I do when I write these devotionals. But training is different. Training must be done up close and personal. There are many things you must train your child to do as they grow into young men and women. There are different levels of training and various ways to train depending on your child(ren). However, one thing is common among all training that is done with your children: You must train them according to God’s ways!
Parents, you have the task of training your children to do things God’s way – in everything! Yes, in housekeeping, saving their money, making and keeping friends, dealing with people that do not like them, getting a job, listening to authority…everything. The foundation of all your training should be Christ!
I am completely dumbfounded at how much parents train their children to do all the wrong things and expect their children to not have pre-marital sex, not to have children out of wedlock, stay out of jail, stay drug free, etc. Children mostly do what they are trained or permitted to do.
Secondly, I am flabbergasted at parents who literally expect their children to fail! Most parents EXPECT their children to have premarital sex. They EXPECT their children to try drugs and drink. How do I know? Because this is the comment that I get most often when I speak to parents “They are going to do it anyway…” Parents, your children do not HAVE TO sin! If you train them to be godly, most likely your children will not indulge in ungodliness. I can not count the times when parents ask me if I am a grandmother yet…as if they EXPECT me to be a grandmother! These same parents get almost indignant when I tell them that I believe God for my sons and pray that they will not have any children until they get older and be married to the right woman. They look at me as if it’s something wrong with ME!
This is how backwards the world is today. People have changed godliness into sin and sin into godliness! When you train your child you must train them according to the bible, no matter how you feel or what you think about it. There were some things that my parents permitted me to do that was outright anti-God! I did not permit my children to indulge in those behaviors. I now have grown children and they will tell you that when they are in ungodliness I warn them and tell them that their behaviors are unacceptable and they will be held accountable for them. No, I do not baby them. I hold them responsible for their actions, just like God will hold us responsible for our actions.
While training your children you must have biblical standards and stand firm on them. I don’t care if it is 2009 or 2050, Jesus is the same yesterday, today and forever and His word will not change! Your standards should not fluctuate with the year. Stand firm. Also, many parents compromise their standards because their children don’t like the rules. The training is not for your children to “like”. The training is for their growth and development. You have to constantly explain to your children that the rules and standards are for THEIR future, not yours. Once your children are of age God will hold them accountable for what they have been taught. God will in turn reward you for your diligence and faithfulness in training your children.
This reminds me of the many singers who were raised in church with godly parents that are now singing for Satan. Can you imagine the damage those singers would have made to Satan’s kingdom? But now they are furthering it. This is so disheartening. One scripture in the Old Testament comes to mind when I think of these singers: Leviticus 19:29 - Do not prostitute thy daughter, to cause her to be a whore; lest the land fall to whoredom , and the land become full of wickedness. Yes, there are many parents who are prostituting their children. Most of them are not in the back alleys. They are on stage and television.
Also, I must mention one more important thing when training your children. You must train your children to identify their strengths AND weaknesses. Many, many parents pay more attention to their child’s strengths and do not warn them of their weaknesses. This is what causes our children to fail in life. We give worldly synonyms for our children’s weaknesses. For example - The world calls rebellion a free spirit. However, God calls it witchcraft. (I Samuel 15:23- For rebellion is as the sin of witchcraft, and stubbornness is as iniquity and idolatry). The world calls pride independence. The bible calls it the prelude to destruction. (Proverbs 16:18 - Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall). Call their weaknesses what they are and stop making excuses for your children.
Parents, training your children is not easy especially with all the worldly and demonic influences that are out today. But if God said for you to train your children then that is what he means. Yes, you will be talked about, your children will say they hate you and many influences will be against you. But if God be for you, who can be against you?
Remember single parents, you have power with God. Tap into it. The Lord is with you!
The Power of the Single Parent: How to Love Your Children
I have three children ages 23, 19 and 16. I love all my children very much. They have brought me much joy and much pain. Without both I would have never grown as a mother and they would not be the fine young men they are today. I must confess though, it took time for me to learn to love my children. Don’t get me wrong, I loved my children from the moment they were in my arms. Every mother has this basic love for their children. But my basic love for them was not enough!
In today’s society we use the word love very flippantly; I love the movies, I love your hair, I love those jeans. The way we see and express love is very different from the way the bible expresses it. There are four different types of love in the bible: Eros, Storge, Philia and Agape.
Eros is the sexual expression of love. It is the lowest form of love in existence. However, it is the form that is most exalted. Sexual images are everywhere!! I can’t even watch a toothpaste commercial without Eros getting in the way. This is the form of love that the devil uses most to bring people down and I must admit he has been very successful at it. But that’s not our topic today.
Then there is Storge, which is the expression of love that we show our friends. If you’ve ever had a close friend you know what type of love I am referring to. When your friend hurts, you hurt. You will go where your friend goes and do things for your friend that you would not do for the average Joe. It is a blessing to have storge love.
Next, there is Philia, which is the expression of love that is shown through your family members. There is a bond between a brother and a sister that is different from any of the other forms of love. Sometimes, Storge and Philia love can be so close that they intertwine. You can love a friend so much until you consider them a brother or sister. However, not much of this type of love exists anymore because the value of the family is not important anymore. In addition, the family dynamic is not sacred and honored any longer. This is truly the age of self-will. Sadly, people do not love their families unless they are getting something from them.
Lastly, there is Agape. This is the type of love that I want to speak to you about today. Agape love is Christ-like love. And believe me, no one knows how to love like this on their own! This is a love that God must show you over time. It is the self-sacrificing, non-partial, unconditional, pure love of God. This love is so unique, so dynamic that it can not be done without your full cooperation with God. Believe me, you have not loved your children until you have Agaped them!
I want you to understand that God knows each and every one of us. He knows us because he made us. And because he made us he knows how to love each one us individually. Understand that God is very objective when it comes to love. He does not love us because we do something good or even because he made us. He loves us because love is who he is! I John 4:8 - He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
Now, I know you can not love like God because we are not love, we are humans. God’s every decision, every purpose, every thought and every motivation is expressed through love. How deep is that!
When we love our children it is usually based upon our feelings, reasoning, upbringing, and other human mechanisms that help us love. This is not wrong, it is just not Agape. When we Agape our children we will not be partial with them. We will not spoil them. We will correct them. We will never play favorites. We will not put unrealistic expectations on them. We will not make excuses for them. We will train them. We will protect them. We will counsel them. We will reward them. We will show affection towards them. We will speak life to them. We will give them boundaries. We will teach them the meaning of consequences and at times allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions.
The world’s way of loving our children is that we put them first. This is not God’s way. God NEVER SAID to put your child first. If you are married God is first, then your spouse, then you and then your children. If you are not married, God comes first, then you, then your children. This is the family order. If your children are first then they are the ones responsible for the household and the direction of that house. They are not equipped to do that – you are!
The world’s way of loving your children means support your children no matter what. God NEVER SAID to do this. You are to never support your children in their sin or if they are making wrong decisions. NEVER! You are to admonish and correct your children when they sin and tell them they are making wrong decisions and teach them the right ways.
The world’s way of loving your child means to equip them so they can indulge in their lusts. God NEVER SAID to do this. You are to never equip your children to indulge in their lusts. Providing condoms, drugs, alcohol, females, males and other paraphernalia to your children so they can “have a good time” is not God’s way. If God is telling YOU to abstain from sex, why would you equip your child with condoms so they can sex it up? If God is telling YOU not to drink, why would you provide alcohol at your child’s party? If God is telling YOU to wait on a mate, why would you let your child date at fourteen?
When we Agape our children, we show them that God lives us. We must release our rationalizations, feelings, worldly influences and old generational patterns and love our children the way God intended for us to do. This is very hard for some parents to do because pressure from the world and fear that they will not be accepted is controlling their lives. But in order to live in the Kingdom of God, you must follow the King!
Take time to make some changes with your children this week. Pray that God will teach you how to love your child(ren) the Agape way. It took time for me to change just as it will take time for you. But God’s grace is with you.
In today’s society we use the word love very flippantly; I love the movies, I love your hair, I love those jeans. The way we see and express love is very different from the way the bible expresses it. There are four different types of love in the bible: Eros, Storge, Philia and Agape.
Eros is the sexual expression of love. It is the lowest form of love in existence. However, it is the form that is most exalted. Sexual images are everywhere!! I can’t even watch a toothpaste commercial without Eros getting in the way. This is the form of love that the devil uses most to bring people down and I must admit he has been very successful at it. But that’s not our topic today.
Then there is Storge, which is the expression of love that we show our friends. If you’ve ever had a close friend you know what type of love I am referring to. When your friend hurts, you hurt. You will go where your friend goes and do things for your friend that you would not do for the average Joe. It is a blessing to have storge love.
Next, there is Philia, which is the expression of love that is shown through your family members. There is a bond between a brother and a sister that is different from any of the other forms of love. Sometimes, Storge and Philia love can be so close that they intertwine. You can love a friend so much until you consider them a brother or sister. However, not much of this type of love exists anymore because the value of the family is not important anymore. In addition, the family dynamic is not sacred and honored any longer. This is truly the age of self-will. Sadly, people do not love their families unless they are getting something from them.
Lastly, there is Agape. This is the type of love that I want to speak to you about today. Agape love is Christ-like love. And believe me, no one knows how to love like this on their own! This is a love that God must show you over time. It is the self-sacrificing, non-partial, unconditional, pure love of God. This love is so unique, so dynamic that it can not be done without your full cooperation with God. Believe me, you have not loved your children until you have Agaped them!
I want you to understand that God knows each and every one of us. He knows us because he made us. And because he made us he knows how to love each one us individually. Understand that God is very objective when it comes to love. He does not love us because we do something good or even because he made us. He loves us because love is who he is! I John 4:8 - He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love.
Now, I know you can not love like God because we are not love, we are humans. God’s every decision, every purpose, every thought and every motivation is expressed through love. How deep is that!
When we love our children it is usually based upon our feelings, reasoning, upbringing, and other human mechanisms that help us love. This is not wrong, it is just not Agape. When we Agape our children we will not be partial with them. We will not spoil them. We will correct them. We will never play favorites. We will not put unrealistic expectations on them. We will not make excuses for them. We will train them. We will protect them. We will counsel them. We will reward them. We will show affection towards them. We will speak life to them. We will give them boundaries. We will teach them the meaning of consequences and at times allow them to suffer the consequences of their actions.
The world’s way of loving our children is that we put them first. This is not God’s way. God NEVER SAID to put your child first. If you are married God is first, then your spouse, then you and then your children. If you are not married, God comes first, then you, then your children. This is the family order. If your children are first then they are the ones responsible for the household and the direction of that house. They are not equipped to do that – you are!
The world’s way of loving your children means support your children no matter what. God NEVER SAID to do this. You are to never support your children in their sin or if they are making wrong decisions. NEVER! You are to admonish and correct your children when they sin and tell them they are making wrong decisions and teach them the right ways.
The world’s way of loving your child means to equip them so they can indulge in their lusts. God NEVER SAID to do this. You are to never equip your children to indulge in their lusts. Providing condoms, drugs, alcohol, females, males and other paraphernalia to your children so they can “have a good time” is not God’s way. If God is telling YOU to abstain from sex, why would you equip your child with condoms so they can sex it up? If God is telling YOU not to drink, why would you provide alcohol at your child’s party? If God is telling YOU to wait on a mate, why would you let your child date at fourteen?
When we Agape our children, we show them that God lives us. We must release our rationalizations, feelings, worldly influences and old generational patterns and love our children the way God intended for us to do. This is very hard for some parents to do because pressure from the world and fear that they will not be accepted is controlling their lives. But in order to live in the Kingdom of God, you must follow the King!
Take time to make some changes with your children this week. Pray that God will teach you how to love your child(ren) the Agape way. It took time for me to change just as it will take time for you. But God’s grace is with you.
The Power of the Single Parent: Hagar
I am not using today’s devotional to glamorize being a single parent. As always I will do my very best to give a balanced look at each subject I write on to help you understand God in the way that he should be understood. So many people give a distorted view of God and his ways. Remember, He is ALWAYS balanced. If you hear any doctrine, sermon, speech, preaching or teaching that elevates one side of a subject you are to do these things: Question, Research, Pray, Discern, and lastly, Bring Balance. One day I will teach on this process…but not today.
Many pastors, prophets, preachers and teachers want you to believe what they are saying out of their mouths without you questioning what they are saying. This is ungodly! The bible states in Luke 2:46 - And it came to pass , that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both HEARING them, and ASKING them questions. If Jesus asked questions, so should you. This does not mean that you ask questions to promote strife and arguing because as it is stated in the same scripture, Jesus HEARD the doctors too! This means that Jesus asked questions to learn, not to argue. I just wanted to briefly clarify that before I went on.
Aaaaany who…
First, let me say that it is NOT God’s will for people to raise children alone. When God designed the family dynamic he put male and female together and told them to multiply and replenish the earth – Genesis 1:28. It was God’s original purpose for each child to be raised by a mother and father. This way the child will grow up BALANCED, just as their heavenly father is!
But what happens when this plan does not come to pass? Is the parent accepted by God? Is the child cursed? Do they have a future? Well, I’d like to answer these questions by taking a biblical look at one single mother, who I must admit; I admire, respect and have many things in common with. Her name is Hagar (read Genesis chapters 16 and 21 on your spare time)
Hagar is not mentioned much in preaching and teaching across the country, but she was a powerful, strong single parent. Hagar represents what most single parents (especially mothers) go through on a daily basis. Just to summarize, Hagar was Sarah’s handmaid from Egypt. Sarah was told by God that she would have a son, but she did not believe Him. So in her haste and bitterness (from waiting too long) Sarah told her husband Abraham to have sex with her handmaid and so, Hagar gave birth to a son named Esau. Once this happened, Sarah despised Hagar. Well as time went by, Sarah conceived and she had a son named Isaac. One day Esau was mocking Isaac and Sarah saw this. She used this opportunity to get rid of Hagar and her son. God permitted this but told Abraham “And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed”. However, Hagar did not know this. She was sent off with some bread and water and “wandered in the wilderness” with her son. This is exactly what we go through as single parents. We are despised when we have children out of wedlock and sent out into the world to wander aimlessly, not knowing where to go or what to do. Most often we have no support system, no life skills and no prospects. Yet we carry around our burden of responsibility and are told to make it the best way we can. Sounds sad, doesn’t it? Well, it gets worse.
As Hagar was wondering in the wilderness she came down to her last rationing of food and water. She was so hurt and so afraid that she put her son under a shrub (where he could get shade) and sat a little distance away from him because she did not want to see her son die. All she could do was cry.
I believe as single parents we cry the strongest, most heart wrenching tears! It seems we face death more than any other family dynamic because we are mostly alone. The pain of loneliness, fear, desperation, vulnerability, weakness, lack of provision and no direction plague us on a daily basis. More often than not, we have no idea where WE are going not to mention the fact that we are responsible for the direction our children take as well.
You know, just on a personal note, I have cried some deep, painful, gut wrenching tears while raising my children. This devotional can not hold all of the drama and pain I had to go through as a single parent. I have been called many names and have been misunderstood many times. I have been shunned, laughed at, scorned and rejected. I have experienced lack of food, resources and on several occasions was one day from losing all and living on the streets. But I did what Hagar did. I lifted up my voice and wept.
I want to share with you a little truth and yes, this will hurt a bit. When we have children out of wedlock we can not expect the world to give us anything. Technically, we are OUT OF GOD’S WILL and most likely will pay a consequence for the choice that we made. But, we are still blessed! Yes, WE ARE STILL BLESSED and SO ARE OUR CHILDREN!
Genesis 21:17-20 - And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is. Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation. And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink. And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.
I never really read this scripture correctly until now. I always thought God heard Hagar. I’m sure he did, but he did not respond to her. He responded to the voice of her son, Esau. The bible clearly states that “God heard the voice of the LAD where he is”. Esau was probably praying for his mom because he knew his mother’s faith was not strong. She wanted to give up. She was scared, alone and depressed. But God heard Esau. In answering Esau’s prayer God provided for Hagar PERSONALLY! But here is the kicker. The thing that was supposed to kill Esau was the thing that he perfected. He was supposed to die in the wilderness, but he mastered it and became an archer! Don’t tell me God is not for single parents and their children!!
Sometimes as single parents our faith wavers. When we have done all that we can do God can use our children to strengthen us and keep us moving. Single parents, you and your children have power with God. Your power is in every step you take by faith to raise your children. Your power is in your tears that call down provision from our Father. Your power is in your belief to hold on to God when no one is there for you and when it seems no one cares. Your power lies in your children’s mouth when they speak faith when you can’t.
Here is your assignment: Take hold of your children, look each other in the eye and declare that God is with you and you will make it!
Many pastors, prophets, preachers and teachers want you to believe what they are saying out of their mouths without you questioning what they are saying. This is ungodly! The bible states in Luke 2:46 - And it came to pass , that after three days they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, both HEARING them, and ASKING them questions. If Jesus asked questions, so should you. This does not mean that you ask questions to promote strife and arguing because as it is stated in the same scripture, Jesus HEARD the doctors too! This means that Jesus asked questions to learn, not to argue. I just wanted to briefly clarify that before I went on.
Aaaaany who…
First, let me say that it is NOT God’s will for people to raise children alone. When God designed the family dynamic he put male and female together and told them to multiply and replenish the earth – Genesis 1:28. It was God’s original purpose for each child to be raised by a mother and father. This way the child will grow up BALANCED, just as their heavenly father is!
But what happens when this plan does not come to pass? Is the parent accepted by God? Is the child cursed? Do they have a future? Well, I’d like to answer these questions by taking a biblical look at one single mother, who I must admit; I admire, respect and have many things in common with. Her name is Hagar (read Genesis chapters 16 and 21 on your spare time)
Hagar is not mentioned much in preaching and teaching across the country, but she was a powerful, strong single parent. Hagar represents what most single parents (especially mothers) go through on a daily basis. Just to summarize, Hagar was Sarah’s handmaid from Egypt. Sarah was told by God that she would have a son, but she did not believe Him. So in her haste and bitterness (from waiting too long) Sarah told her husband Abraham to have sex with her handmaid and so, Hagar gave birth to a son named Esau. Once this happened, Sarah despised Hagar. Well as time went by, Sarah conceived and she had a son named Isaac. One day Esau was mocking Isaac and Sarah saw this. She used this opportunity to get rid of Hagar and her son. God permitted this but told Abraham “And also of the son of the bondwoman will I make a nation, because he is thy seed”. However, Hagar did not know this. She was sent off with some bread and water and “wandered in the wilderness” with her son. This is exactly what we go through as single parents. We are despised when we have children out of wedlock and sent out into the world to wander aimlessly, not knowing where to go or what to do. Most often we have no support system, no life skills and no prospects. Yet we carry around our burden of responsibility and are told to make it the best way we can. Sounds sad, doesn’t it? Well, it gets worse.
As Hagar was wondering in the wilderness she came down to her last rationing of food and water. She was so hurt and so afraid that she put her son under a shrub (where he could get shade) and sat a little distance away from him because she did not want to see her son die. All she could do was cry.
I believe as single parents we cry the strongest, most heart wrenching tears! It seems we face death more than any other family dynamic because we are mostly alone. The pain of loneliness, fear, desperation, vulnerability, weakness, lack of provision and no direction plague us on a daily basis. More often than not, we have no idea where WE are going not to mention the fact that we are responsible for the direction our children take as well.
You know, just on a personal note, I have cried some deep, painful, gut wrenching tears while raising my children. This devotional can not hold all of the drama and pain I had to go through as a single parent. I have been called many names and have been misunderstood many times. I have been shunned, laughed at, scorned and rejected. I have experienced lack of food, resources and on several occasions was one day from losing all and living on the streets. But I did what Hagar did. I lifted up my voice and wept.
I want to share with you a little truth and yes, this will hurt a bit. When we have children out of wedlock we can not expect the world to give us anything. Technically, we are OUT OF GOD’S WILL and most likely will pay a consequence for the choice that we made. But, we are still blessed! Yes, WE ARE STILL BLESSED and SO ARE OUR CHILDREN!
Genesis 21:17-20 - And God heard the voice of the lad; and the angel of God called to Hagar out of heaven, and said unto her, What aileth thee, Hagar? fear not; for God hath heard the voice of the lad where he is. Arise, lift up the lad, and hold him in thine hand; for I will make him a great nation. And God opened her eyes, and she saw a well of water; and she went, and filled the bottle with water, and gave the lad drink. And God was with the lad; and he grew, and dwelt in the wilderness, and became an archer.
I never really read this scripture correctly until now. I always thought God heard Hagar. I’m sure he did, but he did not respond to her. He responded to the voice of her son, Esau. The bible clearly states that “God heard the voice of the LAD where he is”. Esau was probably praying for his mom because he knew his mother’s faith was not strong. She wanted to give up. She was scared, alone and depressed. But God heard Esau. In answering Esau’s prayer God provided for Hagar PERSONALLY! But here is the kicker. The thing that was supposed to kill Esau was the thing that he perfected. He was supposed to die in the wilderness, but he mastered it and became an archer! Don’t tell me God is not for single parents and their children!!
Sometimes as single parents our faith wavers. When we have done all that we can do God can use our children to strengthen us and keep us moving. Single parents, you and your children have power with God. Your power is in every step you take by faith to raise your children. Your power is in your tears that call down provision from our Father. Your power is in your belief to hold on to God when no one is there for you and when it seems no one cares. Your power lies in your children’s mouth when they speak faith when you can’t.
Here is your assignment: Take hold of your children, look each other in the eye and declare that God is with you and you will make it!
What are you Called to Do?: The Difference Between Gifts and Talents
I touched on this briefly in our earlier segment but will expound on it a little more today so you can understand your purpose more clearly.
When people are born they are born with talents. Everyone on earth has a talent. A talent is an ability to perform a certain task. For instance, a person can have the talent to sing. This means that the person with this talent will need training, schooling etc. to build their talent. Now, there are some people who are uniquely talented and may not need to go to school, but they are not gifted, they are talented.
What’s the difference you ask? The difference lies in the new birth. Only born again Christians are given gifts.
Romans 12:4-8 – For as we have MANY MEMBERS IN ONE BODY, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, ARE ONE BODY IN CHRIST, and every one members one of another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace THAT IS GIVEN TO US, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth , on teaching; Or he that exhorteth , on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth , with diligence; he that sheweth mercy , with cheerfulness.
See that? The key is that the gifts are GIVEN to the BODY OF CHRIST. Here are some gifts that are given by God when we come into the new birth: Prophecy, service (ministry), teaching, exhorting, giving, leadership (ruling), and mercy.
God gives us gifts so we can use them in the body of Christ to help bring people into the kingdom of God, deliver them from the snare of the enemy and set people free. We are to use our gifts to glorify God and Him only. Talents can be used for the devil. There are many people who get rich and profit off their talents. However, if you use your gift for the enemy’s purposes God WILL snatch it from you and give it to someone else. The bible says that God wanted to give Saul the kingdom forever, but because he consistently lied and abused his office, God took the kingdom from him and gave it to David. Yes, God does not play when it comes to kingdom business!
Another difference between gifts and talents is the anointing. Talents are not anointed, gifts are anointed. Anointing makes your gift effective. The less anointing, the less effective your gift will be. It is only the anointing that will destroy the yoke. Isaiah 10:27 - And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing. A yoke is a type of bondage or imprisonment. Millions of people live in bondage everyday. But talking will not deliver them. Community programs will not deliver them. Only your anointed gift will deliver them.
Let me explain what the anointing is. The anointing consists of these ingredients: Approval from God (which ignites your gift), favor (which allows doors to be open so you can use your gift), skill (the manner in which your gift is consistently used); character (which helps solidify your gift) and most importantly, suffering (which brings strength, effectiveness, and accuracy to your gift). See, talents don’t require these ingredients.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There are thousands upon thousands of people who are talented. Some use their talents for “good” others use their talents for “evil”. However, talents yield no rewards in heaven. They are strictly used for earthly purposes. So, you can be a giver and give all your money to the poor, but if your giving is not for the Kingdom of God your works will burn in the fire!
This is why God said that our righteousness is as filthy rags (an Old Testament word for a used maxi pad). Our “good works” apart from God mean absolutely nothing. Those of us who are born again must direct or gifts for Godly purposes. No matter what your gift is, you must use it for the Kingdom of God. I know I keep saying this but I can’t say it enough. I’ve said this before as well; many folks look to gain money, power and notoriety from their gifts. This must not be your focus. Souls are to be your focus. If God chooses to grant you with those things, they too will be used for the kingdom.
Next: Consequences for Not Using Your Gift.
When people are born they are born with talents. Everyone on earth has a talent. A talent is an ability to perform a certain task. For instance, a person can have the talent to sing. This means that the person with this talent will need training, schooling etc. to build their talent. Now, there are some people who are uniquely talented and may not need to go to school, but they are not gifted, they are talented.
What’s the difference you ask? The difference lies in the new birth. Only born again Christians are given gifts.
Romans 12:4-8 – For as we have MANY MEMBERS IN ONE BODY, and all members have not the same office: So we, being many, ARE ONE BODY IN CHRIST, and every one members one of another. Having then gifts differing according to the grace THAT IS GIVEN TO US, whether prophecy, let us prophesy according to the proportion of faith; Or ministry, let us wait on our ministering: or he that teacheth , on teaching; Or he that exhorteth , on exhortation: he that giveth, let him do it with simplicity; he that ruleth , with diligence; he that sheweth mercy , with cheerfulness.
See that? The key is that the gifts are GIVEN to the BODY OF CHRIST. Here are some gifts that are given by God when we come into the new birth: Prophecy, service (ministry), teaching, exhorting, giving, leadership (ruling), and mercy.
God gives us gifts so we can use them in the body of Christ to help bring people into the kingdom of God, deliver them from the snare of the enemy and set people free. We are to use our gifts to glorify God and Him only. Talents can be used for the devil. There are many people who get rich and profit off their talents. However, if you use your gift for the enemy’s purposes God WILL snatch it from you and give it to someone else. The bible says that God wanted to give Saul the kingdom forever, but because he consistently lied and abused his office, God took the kingdom from him and gave it to David. Yes, God does not play when it comes to kingdom business!
Another difference between gifts and talents is the anointing. Talents are not anointed, gifts are anointed. Anointing makes your gift effective. The less anointing, the less effective your gift will be. It is only the anointing that will destroy the yoke. Isaiah 10:27 - And it shall come to pass in that day, that his burden shall be taken away from off thy shoulder, and his yoke from off thy neck, and the yoke shall be destroyed because of the anointing. A yoke is a type of bondage or imprisonment. Millions of people live in bondage everyday. But talking will not deliver them. Community programs will not deliver them. Only your anointed gift will deliver them.
Let me explain what the anointing is. The anointing consists of these ingredients: Approval from God (which ignites your gift), favor (which allows doors to be open so you can use your gift), skill (the manner in which your gift is consistently used); character (which helps solidify your gift) and most importantly, suffering (which brings strength, effectiveness, and accuracy to your gift). See, talents don’t require these ingredients.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There are thousands upon thousands of people who are talented. Some use their talents for “good” others use their talents for “evil”. However, talents yield no rewards in heaven. They are strictly used for earthly purposes. So, you can be a giver and give all your money to the poor, but if your giving is not for the Kingdom of God your works will burn in the fire!
This is why God said that our righteousness is as filthy rags (an Old Testament word for a used maxi pad). Our “good works” apart from God mean absolutely nothing. Those of us who are born again must direct or gifts for Godly purposes. No matter what your gift is, you must use it for the Kingdom of God. I know I keep saying this but I can’t say it enough. I’ve said this before as well; many folks look to gain money, power and notoriety from their gifts. This must not be your focus. Souls are to be your focus. If God chooses to grant you with those things, they too will be used for the kingdom.
Next: Consequences for Not Using Your Gift.
What are You Called to Do?: How will I Know and How do I Start?
Ok, now that you’ve gotten an introduction of your purpose lets discuss three ways you can find out what you are called to do:
1. You may know intuitively - Some people know exactly what they want to do when they grow up and their focus is towards that goal from a very young age. If the child has parents that are able to see that gifting (and if they are wise) they will nurture the child to grow into the purpose that they were called to do. If not, the child’s purpose can lie dormant until the time God reveals it to them. Most times children are often talked out of their purpose. Maybe a child was gifted to play a sport but the parent or some other person of influence told them that they would never make it. Even though the child knows that sports is what their purpose it, they will stop pursuing it. It takes a lot of strength to prepare a child for their future but only a moment to tear it down.
2. You may need someone to help you find your purpose - Sometimes God places people in your life to help you determine your call. Maybe a teacher or a friend is able to see your purpose quicker than you are. If that is the case then it is good for you to explore those areas of interest. You may be excellent with animals. God will use a person to guide you into the direction of a veterinarian or pet shop owner. Once you explore your purpose you will see that the person God used to help you was right. Also, God may give you a dream or vision of your purpose. If you had a dream or vision, don’t ignore it.
3. You may have to go through the process of elimination - Some people have absolutely no idea what their purpose is. God will take this type of person through a process of elimination to help them reach their purpose. They will see what they are called to do through a series of jobs they work at combined with life experiences. I know several people who spent very good money going to college only to find out they were in the wrong field. You may take a job as a cook and realize that you do not want to be a cook. You may get a job volunteering with the homeless and find out that is not what you want to do. Then one day you may accidentally come across an application to be a computer specialist. You get the job and BAM, you love it! You have found your purpose.
This is how you know you are in God’s purpose for your life:
1. Your purpose will bring fulfillment – You will know what you are called to do because it will bring you the best fulfillment. No matter what other job you try, you will not get the fulfillment and joy your true purpose brings. You are happiest when you do it and bored when you don’t.
2. Your purpose will be easy for you – Other people will struggle doing what is elementary for you. This does not mean that you are smarter or better than others, it just means you are flowing in God’s purpose for your life. Even if your purpose is to be a trash man, you will love doing it. You will have ideas and plans for the tasks that others hate to do. You will go above and beyond the call of duty in your purpose.
3. Your purpose will bless people - When you are doing the thing that God called you to do, people will be grateful for it and they will love the way YOU do it! You will bring a refreshing to people’s soul and a joy to their hearts. It will just be something about how YOU deliver the mail! And when you are gone…boy will they miss you!
So, do you have any hints as to what your purpose is yet? Good. Now here is how you start finding out your purpose:
1. Pray and ask God what is it that HE wants you to do. This is what I asked you to do on Monday. I hope you prayed because what God will do is start opening your eyes to your purpose. If he does not speak audibly to you or give you a dream/vision he will start setting up circumstances for you to see your purpose. Sometimes you may lose a job to get the one God has for you so you can meet the person that will lead you to your purpose. Or maybe you will start to get an uneasy feeling about the college you are attending or want to attend. God may want you to study at another college which has the program that will lead to your true purpose.
2. Look for opportunities within your community that you may be interested in doing. Maybe you are interested in poetry. Find some poetry venues in your community and explore them. Even if you don’t join, go to some of the events and just watch for a while. If you are in school, go to the summer programs at a college to see what college life is all about. Believe it or not, college may not be for you!! You may find that a technical school is better. This dispels the myth that college will get you the best future. No, God will use anything! He is God and Lord of ALL!
3. Do not limit God. Your call can be spiritual, secular or both. God can call you to be an apostle, prophet or teacher. He can also call you to be a carpenter, social worker or artist. You can also be a pastor who owns a business. There are no limits to what God can do in your life. Now, if you are called to be a pastor, don’t quit your job…you still have to eat! Lol. Ministry callings take time and a lot of suffering!
4. Know that God’s purpose is pure! God will NEVER call you to be a stripper, drug dealer, porn star, bartender, strip club owner or anything like that!! He will never put you in a purpose that will demoralize you or cause you to be a tool to demoralize others. Remember, his purpose for your life will glorify his name, not bring shame to it!
Alright ladies and gentlemen, hopefully you will know what you are called to do soon. If you already know, then pursue it. People need you and your gift!
Next time: The Difference between a Gift and a Talent.
Be here and be square!! :)
1. You may know intuitively - Some people know exactly what they want to do when they grow up and their focus is towards that goal from a very young age. If the child has parents that are able to see that gifting (and if they are wise) they will nurture the child to grow into the purpose that they were called to do. If not, the child’s purpose can lie dormant until the time God reveals it to them. Most times children are often talked out of their purpose. Maybe a child was gifted to play a sport but the parent or some other person of influence told them that they would never make it. Even though the child knows that sports is what their purpose it, they will stop pursuing it. It takes a lot of strength to prepare a child for their future but only a moment to tear it down.
2. You may need someone to help you find your purpose - Sometimes God places people in your life to help you determine your call. Maybe a teacher or a friend is able to see your purpose quicker than you are. If that is the case then it is good for you to explore those areas of interest. You may be excellent with animals. God will use a person to guide you into the direction of a veterinarian or pet shop owner. Once you explore your purpose you will see that the person God used to help you was right. Also, God may give you a dream or vision of your purpose. If you had a dream or vision, don’t ignore it.
3. You may have to go through the process of elimination - Some people have absolutely no idea what their purpose is. God will take this type of person through a process of elimination to help them reach their purpose. They will see what they are called to do through a series of jobs they work at combined with life experiences. I know several people who spent very good money going to college only to find out they were in the wrong field. You may take a job as a cook and realize that you do not want to be a cook. You may get a job volunteering with the homeless and find out that is not what you want to do. Then one day you may accidentally come across an application to be a computer specialist. You get the job and BAM, you love it! You have found your purpose.
This is how you know you are in God’s purpose for your life:
1. Your purpose will bring fulfillment – You will know what you are called to do because it will bring you the best fulfillment. No matter what other job you try, you will not get the fulfillment and joy your true purpose brings. You are happiest when you do it and bored when you don’t.
2. Your purpose will be easy for you – Other people will struggle doing what is elementary for you. This does not mean that you are smarter or better than others, it just means you are flowing in God’s purpose for your life. Even if your purpose is to be a trash man, you will love doing it. You will have ideas and plans for the tasks that others hate to do. You will go above and beyond the call of duty in your purpose.
3. Your purpose will bless people - When you are doing the thing that God called you to do, people will be grateful for it and they will love the way YOU do it! You will bring a refreshing to people’s soul and a joy to their hearts. It will just be something about how YOU deliver the mail! And when you are gone…boy will they miss you!
So, do you have any hints as to what your purpose is yet? Good. Now here is how you start finding out your purpose:
1. Pray and ask God what is it that HE wants you to do. This is what I asked you to do on Monday. I hope you prayed because what God will do is start opening your eyes to your purpose. If he does not speak audibly to you or give you a dream/vision he will start setting up circumstances for you to see your purpose. Sometimes you may lose a job to get the one God has for you so you can meet the person that will lead you to your purpose. Or maybe you will start to get an uneasy feeling about the college you are attending or want to attend. God may want you to study at another college which has the program that will lead to your true purpose.
2. Look for opportunities within your community that you may be interested in doing. Maybe you are interested in poetry. Find some poetry venues in your community and explore them. Even if you don’t join, go to some of the events and just watch for a while. If you are in school, go to the summer programs at a college to see what college life is all about. Believe it or not, college may not be for you!! You may find that a technical school is better. This dispels the myth that college will get you the best future. No, God will use anything! He is God and Lord of ALL!
3. Do not limit God. Your call can be spiritual, secular or both. God can call you to be an apostle, prophet or teacher. He can also call you to be a carpenter, social worker or artist. You can also be a pastor who owns a business. There are no limits to what God can do in your life. Now, if you are called to be a pastor, don’t quit your job…you still have to eat! Lol. Ministry callings take time and a lot of suffering!
4. Know that God’s purpose is pure! God will NEVER call you to be a stripper, drug dealer, porn star, bartender, strip club owner or anything like that!! He will never put you in a purpose that will demoralize you or cause you to be a tool to demoralize others. Remember, his purpose for your life will glorify his name, not bring shame to it!
Alright ladies and gentlemen, hopefully you will know what you are called to do soon. If you already know, then pursue it. People need you and your gift!
Next time: The Difference between a Gift and a Talent.
Be here and be square!! :)
How to Win Your Spiritual Battle - Natural Things that will Help You in Your Battle
Ok Christians, it’s time to think natural in order to win our battle. I know the fight is hard and you have done everything you know how to do spiritually to defeat the enemy. Now it’s time to do a few more things so you can come out of your battle in your right mind!! Lol.
I want you to always remember that the God is very balanced. Don’t have your head in heaven so much until you can’t deal with earth! These four things will help you deal with your battle while you are staying here on earth…:)
1. Get Sleep – If you are fighting a battle, going to church, going to work, taking care of home, going to school, taking care of the children, doing favors for other….WHEN DO YOU HAVE TIME TO GET A GOOD NIGHT’S REST?? I believe there are many Christians who are fighting themselves straight to grave! Sometimes you need to stop praying and go to sleep. How can you fight when you can’t even keep your eyes open? The goal of the enemy is to WEAR YOU OUT! And he will…if you let him.
2. Eat – Many times battles can make you depressed. If this is the case, you may have to stop and get a balanced meal. Depression and anxiety can take your appetite away. Eating will give you strength for the next day’s battle. Eat plenty of vegetables, fruit, fruit juices water and yes – SOME MEAT AND POTATOES! Lol.
3. Go out – When in the heat of battle, do not always stay at home. Go out and still enjoy life. So many times Christians are on a spiritual warpath…they are warring at home, at church, at work, in the bathroom!! Give war a break and go enjoy a movie! Go out to eat! Take a walk! Do something, but get out of the house. If you don’t you will create a tense atmosphere in your home and before you know it no one will want to be there.
4. Talk – There are times when you should talk about your battles with someone so they can help you out. Stress will build up when you don’t talk about your problems. If you do not have anyone to talk to, talk to the Holy Spirit. He is always listening.
When Jesus said his burden was light, he really did mean that. We make our burdens heavier than they are supposed to be. He never intended for us to wake up warring and go to sleep warring every single day! Even Jesus went away to rest. If he rested, shouldn’t we? Let’s use wisdom in our battles everyone.
I hope this series helped you with your battles. Yes, I’m going through one right now. But in all these things I am more than a conqueror!!
Love ya!
I want you to always remember that the God is very balanced. Don’t have your head in heaven so much until you can’t deal with earth! These four things will help you deal with your battle while you are staying here on earth…:)
1. Get Sleep – If you are fighting a battle, going to church, going to work, taking care of home, going to school, taking care of the children, doing favors for other….WHEN DO YOU HAVE TIME TO GET A GOOD NIGHT’S REST?? I believe there are many Christians who are fighting themselves straight to grave! Sometimes you need to stop praying and go to sleep. How can you fight when you can’t even keep your eyes open? The goal of the enemy is to WEAR YOU OUT! And he will…if you let him.
2. Eat – Many times battles can make you depressed. If this is the case, you may have to stop and get a balanced meal. Depression and anxiety can take your appetite away. Eating will give you strength for the next day’s battle. Eat plenty of vegetables, fruit, fruit juices water and yes – SOME MEAT AND POTATOES! Lol.
3. Go out – When in the heat of battle, do not always stay at home. Go out and still enjoy life. So many times Christians are on a spiritual warpath…they are warring at home, at church, at work, in the bathroom!! Give war a break and go enjoy a movie! Go out to eat! Take a walk! Do something, but get out of the house. If you don’t you will create a tense atmosphere in your home and before you know it no one will want to be there.
4. Talk – There are times when you should talk about your battles with someone so they can help you out. Stress will build up when you don’t talk about your problems. If you do not have anyone to talk to, talk to the Holy Spirit. He is always listening.
When Jesus said his burden was light, he really did mean that. We make our burdens heavier than they are supposed to be. He never intended for us to wake up warring and go to sleep warring every single day! Even Jesus went away to rest. If he rested, shouldn’t we? Let’s use wisdom in our battles everyone.
I hope this series helped you with your battles. Yes, I’m going through one right now. But in all these things I am more than a conqueror!!
Love ya!
How to Win Your Spiritual Battle - The Word of God
Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path… Proverbs 119:105
When the battle is hot you will find out that you need a Word from God to get you through. Battles can and will make you tired, confused, weary and doubtful. The bible states that the word of God is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. God can give you direction through his Word. “He leadeth me besides the still waters…” When you are tired and weary, God’s word will cause you to rest in Him. If you have been fighting battle after battle, you will need a Word from the Lord to keep you focused and refreshed.
The word of God is not only a guide, but it is also a weapon. Here are two scriptural examples of how the word will help you win your battle:
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
The bible says the word of God quick (alive) and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword. God’s word is so sharp that it is compared to a double edged sword. A double edged sword cuts on both sides. It is able to divide a man’s will from his emotions, his motivations from his actions. That is might powerful. When you are in the heat of battle, God will be able to deal with you by showing you your true intentions. He can reveal to you why you are going through your battle. This scripture refers to your responsibility in walking with God. God wants to deal with you through his Word.
Let me say that I know for a certainty that God’s word is alive. This is why we become angry when the word of God comes our way and reveals who we really are! It speaks to us and provokes us. We either get mad or agree with the Word of God.
Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces? Jeremiah 23:29
Have you ever had to spoken to someone with a hardened heart? Well, the word of
God is able to break that heart into pieces and cause the person to yield to his will. When our will is stubborn, God will cause a word to come to us that will burn up our stubborn ways. That is why you should never get angry when a person does not want to receive a word from you. God’s word is able to go into the recesses of their hearts and change them. It is not your responsibility to throw the Word down anyone’s throat. You are to speak it. Then allow God to deal with them. And believe me…he will!
In battles, you have to learn how to use your weapon. Sometimes God will want you to praise. Other times he will want you to pray. Then God may give you a word to keep your mind still or a word of correction. What ever method God uses, be flexible enough to hear him and be obedient.
One last thing, God speaks in many different forms. But when you are in the heat of battle you have to be quiet enough to hear him. Sometimes we are so busy trying to solve our problems that we do not take the time to hear the Word of the Lord. Take to to quiet yourself so you can get direction from God.
Next time I'll give some natural things to do that will help you win your spiritual battle
When the battle is hot you will find out that you need a Word from God to get you through. Battles can and will make you tired, confused, weary and doubtful. The bible states that the word of God is a lamp unto our feet and a light unto our path. God can give you direction through his Word. “He leadeth me besides the still waters…” When you are tired and weary, God’s word will cause you to rest in Him. If you have been fighting battle after battle, you will need a Word from the Lord to keep you focused and refreshed.
The word of God is not only a guide, but it is also a weapon. Here are two scriptural examples of how the word will help you win your battle:
For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. Hebrews 4:12
The bible says the word of God quick (alive) and powerful, sharper than a two-edged sword. God’s word is so sharp that it is compared to a double edged sword. A double edged sword cuts on both sides. It is able to divide a man’s will from his emotions, his motivations from his actions. That is might powerful. When you are in the heat of battle, God will be able to deal with you by showing you your true intentions. He can reveal to you why you are going through your battle. This scripture refers to your responsibility in walking with God. God wants to deal with you through his Word.
Let me say that I know for a certainty that God’s word is alive. This is why we become angry when the word of God comes our way and reveals who we really are! It speaks to us and provokes us. We either get mad or agree with the Word of God.
Is not my word like as a fire? saith the LORD; and like a hammer that breaketh the rock in pieces? Jeremiah 23:29
Have you ever had to spoken to someone with a hardened heart? Well, the word of
God is able to break that heart into pieces and cause the person to yield to his will. When our will is stubborn, God will cause a word to come to us that will burn up our stubborn ways. That is why you should never get angry when a person does not want to receive a word from you. God’s word is able to go into the recesses of their hearts and change them. It is not your responsibility to throw the Word down anyone’s throat. You are to speak it. Then allow God to deal with them. And believe me…he will!
In battles, you have to learn how to use your weapon. Sometimes God will want you to praise. Other times he will want you to pray. Then God may give you a word to keep your mind still or a word of correction. What ever method God uses, be flexible enough to hear him and be obedient.
One last thing, God speaks in many different forms. But when you are in the heat of battle you have to be quiet enough to hear him. Sometimes we are so busy trying to solve our problems that we do not take the time to hear the Word of the Lord. Take to to quiet yourself so you can get direction from God.
Next time I'll give some natural things to do that will help you win your spiritual battle
How to Win Your Spiritual Battle – Praise
Just as prayer is important in a spiritual battle, so is praise. Praise is not just singing and dancing. It is activity done in the spirit realm that helps you win your battle.
I want to share with you one of my favorite scriptures on praise. I guarantee you, if you praise you will see tremendous change in your battle.
Psalm 149 - Praise ye the LORD. Sing unto the LORD a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints. Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp. For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. 5 Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a twoedged sword in their hand; To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people; To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron; To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the LORD.
Gracious – Let me break this down. Praise does three major things in battle:
1. To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people – This means that praise takes vengeance on your enemies and inflicts punishments on them. Praise accomplishes what you can’t do with your hands. When you want to get someone back do not use your hands, use your dance and a song!
2. To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron – Their kings and nobles represent the Satan’s kingdom that rules with an iron fist. Now according to the bible, Satan is loose to wreak havoc on the earth for a period of time. However, you can bind his tactics! Whatsoever you bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatsoever you loose on earth is loose in heaven. Praise is used to bind and loose! If you want to get rid of depression…PRAISE! If Satan and his demons are bullying you PRAISE! If you want to loose peace…PRAISE! There are just some things Satan is not going to GIVE you. Matthew 11:12 - And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force. The scripture says BY FORCE! You have to SNATCH back what you want from SATAN…HALLEUJAH!!
3 To execute upon them the judgment written: This is the best part! Did you know that your enemies ALREADY HAVE JUDGEMENT LAYING OVER THEIR HEADS?? LOL! It’s just not EXECUTED YET! To executed means to put something in action, to carry out, to perform and to implement. Your praise actually starts the judgment rolling!! See, the scripture says that your enemies judgment is ALREADY written! God knows exactly how he wants to handle your battle. He is just waiting for you to cooperate with him.
Praise is a powerful weapon to use in your battle. You will see things change drastically if you just open your mouth and praise his Name!!!
I want to share with you one of my favorite scriptures on praise. I guarantee you, if you praise you will see tremendous change in your battle.
Psalm 149 - Praise ye the LORD. Sing unto the LORD a new song, and his praise in the congregation of saints. Let Israel rejoice in him that made him: let the children of Zion be joyful in their King. Let them praise his name in the dance: let them sing praises unto him with the timbrel and harp. For the LORD taketh pleasure in his people: he will beautify the meek with salvation. 5 Let the saints be joyful in glory: let them sing aloud upon their beds. Let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a twoedged sword in their hand; To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people; To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron; To execute upon them the judgment written: this honour have all his saints. Praise ye the LORD.
Gracious – Let me break this down. Praise does three major things in battle:
1. To execute vengeance upon the heathen, and punishments upon the people – This means that praise takes vengeance on your enemies and inflicts punishments on them. Praise accomplishes what you can’t do with your hands. When you want to get someone back do not use your hands, use your dance and a song!
2. To bind their kings with chains, and their nobles with fetters of iron – Their kings and nobles represent the Satan’s kingdom that rules with an iron fist. Now according to the bible, Satan is loose to wreak havoc on the earth for a period of time. However, you can bind his tactics! Whatsoever you bind on earth is bound in heaven and whatsoever you loose on earth is loose in heaven. Praise is used to bind and loose! If you want to get rid of depression…PRAISE! If Satan and his demons are bullying you PRAISE! If you want to loose peace…PRAISE! There are just some things Satan is not going to GIVE you. Matthew 11:12 - And from the days of John the Baptist until now the kingdom of heaven suffereth violence, and the violent take it by force. The scripture says BY FORCE! You have to SNATCH back what you want from SATAN…HALLEUJAH!!
3 To execute upon them the judgment written: This is the best part! Did you know that your enemies ALREADY HAVE JUDGEMENT LAYING OVER THEIR HEADS?? LOL! It’s just not EXECUTED YET! To executed means to put something in action, to carry out, to perform and to implement. Your praise actually starts the judgment rolling!! See, the scripture says that your enemies judgment is ALREADY written! God knows exactly how he wants to handle your battle. He is just waiting for you to cooperate with him.
Praise is a powerful weapon to use in your battle. You will see things change drastically if you just open your mouth and praise his Name!!!
How to Win Your Spiritual Battle: Prayer
Prayer is simply communication with God. How I communicate and how you communicate can be very different but God hears us both. Most people think they have to say “thou” and “thee” in prayer. That is a misnomer. Prayer is talking with God and sharing our hearts with him. It really isn’t that deep. There are various types of prayer, but I’m going to talk about six types today. I guarantee you, if you pray these prayers your battle won’t be as hard as it is now.
Confession – Means to clean your self of all known sin. It is very important that you start your prayers this way. Don’t go before God with your list of what you want him to do when you are filthy from your sin. I had to say it like that because that is exactly what most Christians do. Most Christians never confess their sins. We want to keep our sin and tell God to get us out of trouble. God pays very close attention to this aspect of prayer. Here’s proof: Jeremiah 7:9-11: Will ye steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely, and burn incense unto Baal, and walk after other gods whom ye know not; And come and stand before me in this house, which is called by my name, and say, We are delivered to do all these abominations? Is this house, which is called by my name, become a den of robbers in your eyes? Behold, even I have seen it, saith the LORD.
TRANSLATION: Do you have the nerve to waddle and live in your sin, then have the audacity to come in my face and say I am free to do as I will! Your sin is not hid. I see it!
We do ourselves a disservice when we think we can do what we want then approach God as if we are clean as a whistle. When you confess your sin you acknowledge your wrong doing so that there is nothing standing in between you and your communication with God. Believe it or not many people do not see battles won because of this area. Why should God get you out of an area when he knows you are going to go right back in and do the same thing again?? It really doesn’t matter the order in which you pray, but I would suggest you confess first so your conversation can get started with God.
Supplication – Means to continually ask for a heartfelt desire (deliverance, protection, guidance, material goods, favor, wisdom etc). What is it that you want God to do for you? Do you want a new job, better housing, greater anointing, peace, joy, a wife, a husband? To supplicate means to ask. Battles are sometimes won just by us asking God for what we want. Christians are sometimes bitter and jealous because someone has what they want. Well, ASK GOD! Matthew 7:7 - Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. This scripture means that you are to continually ask. A great metaphor to use is a child who continually asks their parent for a toy. Children don’t ask just once, they keep asking. They ask so much until they get on their parent’s nerve. Asking God for what you want relieves your burden. You may be fighting unnecessarily because you are too stubborn to ask God for what you want!
Intercession – Means to pray for someone else (deliverance, protection, guidance, material goods, favor and wisdom). Is your child on drugs, sexing it up with all the women and men they can see, being lazy, rebellious? Is your husband prideful? Is your boss a tyrant? Are there shootings in your neighborhood? Is your mom/dad sick? Then it is time for you to intercede! To intercede means to set up a hedge (barrier) between two things. You have the power to set up a hedge between life and death!. You don’t believe me? Ezekiel 22:30 - And I (God) sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none. See that! God is looking for someone to pray for others so destruction can be stopped. But we are so busy thinking of ourselves that we don’t have time for others. Most times we are trying to solve our problems outwardly. That does work, but there are also times that you must go into the spirit and get your answer.
Thanksgiving – Means to show appreciation and gratefulness to God. How many times have we been in battle and have expressed our ungratefulness? Many! We’re riding in a Honda, and we sulk because we want a Lexus. We are eating chicken and are complaining because we don’t have steak. We are making 10/hr and are mad because we want 20/hr. Sad to say, Christians can be most ungrateful! If you possess that attitude, then go into prayer thanking God for what you do have. And pray that prayer until you mean it!
Worship – Means to show honor and reverence to God. You ask nothing in worship, you just take time to extol him. Your prayers should contain phrases like: I honor you God; You are high an d lifted up; You are worthy; You are Great. Worship keeps God in the forefront of your battle. Worship also causes you to be humble before God. When you are worshipping you are never to give God any of your righteousness or credentials! They mean nothing in his Presence! Your whole demeanor should be that of a humble servant, bowing down in the presence of the Almighty God. He is greater than your battle and you should tell him that. He is Jehovah Jireh (Provider), Jehovah M’Kaddesh (Sanctification), Jehovah Shalom (Peace), Battle Axe and Weapons of War (Self explanatory). Worship let’s God know that you have power to do NOTHING and that you are totally dependent upon Him to fight for you!! Whew, I wish I could write more but there’s only so much room!
Declaration – Means to speak your outcome to your opponent in the spirit. This prayer should contain phrases such as: I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath; I have never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread; I am more than a conqueror though Christ Jesus; Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world; I will not be defeated; Who shall separate me from the love of God!. See that? You are speaking directly to your opponent in the spirit. You are boldly professing the outcome of your battle – EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T SEE IT YET! This takes faith because it may look like you are losing. You may be getting sicker, but you MUST DECLARE WHAT YOU WANT IN THE SPIRIT SO YOU CAN SEE THE OUTWARD RESULTS! Yes, yes…it seems stupid, but that is what faith is. It is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen! Sometimes when I am declaring I tell the devil that he is the thing that he is trying to get me to be. For example, when he tries to get me to believe that I am sick, I tell him he’s sick! Sickness does not belong to me, sickness belongs to him! When I don’t have any money and he tries to tell me that I’m poor, I tell him that he is poor! Poverty is his portion, not mine! I don’t care what it looks like outwardly!! When my children act up, I remind him that my children belong to God! God told me “My children will be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace!”. I don’t give a hoot-nanny what my children are doing. I declare my outcome, not the devil!!
Yes, ladies and gentleman, fighting is hard but the more you fight the better you will get! Cause believe me, you will be fighting something every now and again. Either you are going to fight your flesh or the tactics of the devil or your own mind and will or something! So, it’s better for you to start learning how to fight now.
One thing I can say about the years of fighting I had to do is that I never laid down for the devil! NEVER! He may have blacked my eye a couple of times, but I never gave him the satisfaction of him putting his foot on my neck! And neither should you. Whatever the devil stole, get it back. Whatever you gave to the devil, get it back! Stop whining and crying and put your hands up and FIGHT. And if you don’t win Round 1, win Round 2. And if you don’t win Round 2, win Round 3. Keep fighting until you win.
AND DON’T YOU DARE COME OUT OF THE BATTLE EMPTY HANDED!
Confession – Means to clean your self of all known sin. It is very important that you start your prayers this way. Don’t go before God with your list of what you want him to do when you are filthy from your sin. I had to say it like that because that is exactly what most Christians do. Most Christians never confess their sins. We want to keep our sin and tell God to get us out of trouble. God pays very close attention to this aspect of prayer. Here’s proof: Jeremiah 7:9-11: Will ye steal, murder, and commit adultery, and swear falsely, and burn incense unto Baal, and walk after other gods whom ye know not; And come and stand before me in this house, which is called by my name, and say, We are delivered to do all these abominations? Is this house, which is called by my name, become a den of robbers in your eyes? Behold, even I have seen it, saith the LORD.
TRANSLATION: Do you have the nerve to waddle and live in your sin, then have the audacity to come in my face and say I am free to do as I will! Your sin is not hid. I see it!
We do ourselves a disservice when we think we can do what we want then approach God as if we are clean as a whistle. When you confess your sin you acknowledge your wrong doing so that there is nothing standing in between you and your communication with God. Believe it or not many people do not see battles won because of this area. Why should God get you out of an area when he knows you are going to go right back in and do the same thing again?? It really doesn’t matter the order in which you pray, but I would suggest you confess first so your conversation can get started with God.
Supplication – Means to continually ask for a heartfelt desire (deliverance, protection, guidance, material goods, favor, wisdom etc). What is it that you want God to do for you? Do you want a new job, better housing, greater anointing, peace, joy, a wife, a husband? To supplicate means to ask. Battles are sometimes won just by us asking God for what we want. Christians are sometimes bitter and jealous because someone has what they want. Well, ASK GOD! Matthew 7:7 - Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. This scripture means that you are to continually ask. A great metaphor to use is a child who continually asks their parent for a toy. Children don’t ask just once, they keep asking. They ask so much until they get on their parent’s nerve. Asking God for what you want relieves your burden. You may be fighting unnecessarily because you are too stubborn to ask God for what you want!
Intercession – Means to pray for someone else (deliverance, protection, guidance, material goods, favor and wisdom). Is your child on drugs, sexing it up with all the women and men they can see, being lazy, rebellious? Is your husband prideful? Is your boss a tyrant? Are there shootings in your neighborhood? Is your mom/dad sick? Then it is time for you to intercede! To intercede means to set up a hedge (barrier) between two things. You have the power to set up a hedge between life and death!. You don’t believe me? Ezekiel 22:30 - And I (God) sought for a man among them, that should make up the hedge, and stand in the gap before me for the land, that I should not destroy it: but I found none. See that! God is looking for someone to pray for others so destruction can be stopped. But we are so busy thinking of ourselves that we don’t have time for others. Most times we are trying to solve our problems outwardly. That does work, but there are also times that you must go into the spirit and get your answer.
Thanksgiving – Means to show appreciation and gratefulness to God. How many times have we been in battle and have expressed our ungratefulness? Many! We’re riding in a Honda, and we sulk because we want a Lexus. We are eating chicken and are complaining because we don’t have steak. We are making 10/hr and are mad because we want 20/hr. Sad to say, Christians can be most ungrateful! If you possess that attitude, then go into prayer thanking God for what you do have. And pray that prayer until you mean it!
Worship – Means to show honor and reverence to God. You ask nothing in worship, you just take time to extol him. Your prayers should contain phrases like: I honor you God; You are high an d lifted up; You are worthy; You are Great. Worship keeps God in the forefront of your battle. Worship also causes you to be humble before God. When you are worshipping you are never to give God any of your righteousness or credentials! They mean nothing in his Presence! Your whole demeanor should be that of a humble servant, bowing down in the presence of the Almighty God. He is greater than your battle and you should tell him that. He is Jehovah Jireh (Provider), Jehovah M’Kaddesh (Sanctification), Jehovah Shalom (Peace), Battle Axe and Weapons of War (Self explanatory). Worship let’s God know that you have power to do NOTHING and that you are totally dependent upon Him to fight for you!! Whew, I wish I could write more but there’s only so much room!
Declaration – Means to speak your outcome to your opponent in the spirit. This prayer should contain phrases such as: I am the head and not the tail, above and not beneath; I have never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging bread; I am more than a conqueror though Christ Jesus; Greater is he that is in me than he that is in the world; I will not be defeated; Who shall separate me from the love of God!. See that? You are speaking directly to your opponent in the spirit. You are boldly professing the outcome of your battle – EVEN THOUGH YOU DON’T SEE IT YET! This takes faith because it may look like you are losing. You may be getting sicker, but you MUST DECLARE WHAT YOU WANT IN THE SPIRIT SO YOU CAN SEE THE OUTWARD RESULTS! Yes, yes…it seems stupid, but that is what faith is. It is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen! Sometimes when I am declaring I tell the devil that he is the thing that he is trying to get me to be. For example, when he tries to get me to believe that I am sick, I tell him he’s sick! Sickness does not belong to me, sickness belongs to him! When I don’t have any money and he tries to tell me that I’m poor, I tell him that he is poor! Poverty is his portion, not mine! I don’t care what it looks like outwardly!! When my children act up, I remind him that my children belong to God! God told me “My children will be taught of the Lord and great shall be their peace!”. I don’t give a hoot-nanny what my children are doing. I declare my outcome, not the devil!!
Yes, ladies and gentleman, fighting is hard but the more you fight the better you will get! Cause believe me, you will be fighting something every now and again. Either you are going to fight your flesh or the tactics of the devil or your own mind and will or something! So, it’s better for you to start learning how to fight now.
One thing I can say about the years of fighting I had to do is that I never laid down for the devil! NEVER! He may have blacked my eye a couple of times, but I never gave him the satisfaction of him putting his foot on my neck! And neither should you. Whatever the devil stole, get it back. Whatever you gave to the devil, get it back! Stop whining and crying and put your hands up and FIGHT. And if you don’t win Round 1, win Round 2. And if you don’t win Round 2, win Round 3. Keep fighting until you win.
AND DON’T YOU DARE COME OUT OF THE BATTLE EMPTY HANDED!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
How to Win Your Spiritual Battle – Tests and Trials
Being a Christian can be both very challenging and very rewarding. I remember the first day I went to church nineteen years ago. It was on a Wednesday night and my pastor was teaching a series on the Life of David. I believe God strategically set me up that night to hear the message that would affect and influence me the rest of my life.
I can’t go into David’s life because it is riddled with a years of rollercoaster rides of failures and victories. His life would take too much time to teach. But what I can give you is the overall summary his life that truly reflect our everyday lives. It is the power of tests and trials.
Had I known and practiced then what I know now, I would have had greater victories in my Christian walk. Through many tears and many years of suffering I have learned that it is not God’s intent to give us what we want when we want it. He has a greater purpose in mind. His ultimate purpose for us (as individuals) is that we are shaped, molded and made into the image of his dear Son – Jesus the Christ.
There are two distinct ways that God accomplishes this. One is through tests and the other is through trials. It is very important for you as a Christian to be able to be able to differentiate between the two. This way, you will know how to fight, when to fight and how to gain your victory. I must note here though that victory does not always mean what we think it means. We think (and this is our human side) that victory means we win by getting the things we want. We will not always get what we want, however, we are to fight as if we have won everything! It’s just like a fist fight. You never know if you are actually going to win the fight – BUT YOU FIGHT LIKE YOU WILL!
Now, let’s look at the two areas that God uses to make us. First, tests. A test is summation of lessons learned in order for you to go to the next level. A test reveals what you HAVE LEARNED in your walk with Him. Everyday God gives lessons that we must learn. If you are reading your bible, the lesson can be there. If you are going to church, the lesson is in the sermon. If you are singing a song, the lesson can be there as well. If you have taken care of a sick person or have watched someone get promoted your lesson can be there as well. All that you have learned though out your day, week, month and year are lessons that help you grow in Christ. But God does not want to stop at the lessons. He has to test you so that you can see what you have learned. God knows what you have learned, you don’t!
In the bible the Hebrew word for test means “prove”. People don’t believe God tests us, but he does: Deuteronony 8:2 - And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no.
See that, God gives us test to know what is in our hearts and to see whether we will be obedient or not. If you ever wonder why weird and odd circumstances keep coming your way, it could be that God is testing you! Now, the question is: How will you do on the test?
Once you pass a test, God will move you on to your next blessing. That blessing can be material as well as emotional. If you are carnal (always thinking with a worldly mentality) you will miss the blessing that God has for you. Most times, God tests our integrity. These tests are sometimes long and arduous because it takes time to get rid of our old nature. But when we are determined to be obedient we gain victory by passing the test.
Secondly there are trials. Trials are usually used to see how genuine your faith is. Peter is an excellent example of going through a burning trial. Peter emphatically told Jesus that he would die for him but when the trial came, he denied him three times! Peter’s faith was not where he thought it was. Sure, his intentions were good, but he spoke beyond his abilities. Christians, that is why we should never say what we will or will not do because in times of intense trial...WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE WILL DO!! Usually we do not exemplify Christ when we are being lied on or when things are stolen from us or when we are tempted in our flesh to curse, have sex, fight, drink smoke, be prideful, be rebellious etc. Our flesh is limitless when it comes to sin.
Peter had too much confidence in his flesh. The bible clearly states that we should not do that: Phillipians 3:3 - For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Our confidence is to be in Christ at all times.
Then there are times when we go through trials that are strictly not our fault. I would call these “friendly fire” trials. You will have to fight because of what someone else did. God will use that too in order to build your character and make you more like Christ Jesus.
Let’s keep our fight in perspective. The fight for victory is about your soul. Nothing else. If there is anything else that you gain from the fight, it is a blessing and an honor from the Lord! Material things are not the goal. The goal is to gain dominance over your soul.
Through the fight, you will gain victory over your soul little by little. In addition, each victory brings increased and stronger faith, knowledge of who God is and how he operates in your life, more fruit of the Spirit and strength to fight the next battle.
Ultimately, before your days end, you will be able to say like Paul -
II Timoth 4:6-7 - For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
Fight well my friends!
I can’t go into David’s life because it is riddled with a years of rollercoaster rides of failures and victories. His life would take too much time to teach. But what I can give you is the overall summary his life that truly reflect our everyday lives. It is the power of tests and trials.
Had I known and practiced then what I know now, I would have had greater victories in my Christian walk. Through many tears and many years of suffering I have learned that it is not God’s intent to give us what we want when we want it. He has a greater purpose in mind. His ultimate purpose for us (as individuals) is that we are shaped, molded and made into the image of his dear Son – Jesus the Christ.
There are two distinct ways that God accomplishes this. One is through tests and the other is through trials. It is very important for you as a Christian to be able to be able to differentiate between the two. This way, you will know how to fight, when to fight and how to gain your victory. I must note here though that victory does not always mean what we think it means. We think (and this is our human side) that victory means we win by getting the things we want. We will not always get what we want, however, we are to fight as if we have won everything! It’s just like a fist fight. You never know if you are actually going to win the fight – BUT YOU FIGHT LIKE YOU WILL!
Now, let’s look at the two areas that God uses to make us. First, tests. A test is summation of lessons learned in order for you to go to the next level. A test reveals what you HAVE LEARNED in your walk with Him. Everyday God gives lessons that we must learn. If you are reading your bible, the lesson can be there. If you are going to church, the lesson is in the sermon. If you are singing a song, the lesson can be there as well. If you have taken care of a sick person or have watched someone get promoted your lesson can be there as well. All that you have learned though out your day, week, month and year are lessons that help you grow in Christ. But God does not want to stop at the lessons. He has to test you so that you can see what you have learned. God knows what you have learned, you don’t!
In the bible the Hebrew word for test means “prove”. People don’t believe God tests us, but he does: Deuteronony 8:2 - And thou shalt remember all the way which the LORD thy God led thee these forty years in the wilderness, to humble thee, and to prove thee, to know what was in thine heart, whether thou wouldest keep his commandments, or no.
See that, God gives us test to know what is in our hearts and to see whether we will be obedient or not. If you ever wonder why weird and odd circumstances keep coming your way, it could be that God is testing you! Now, the question is: How will you do on the test?
Once you pass a test, God will move you on to your next blessing. That blessing can be material as well as emotional. If you are carnal (always thinking with a worldly mentality) you will miss the blessing that God has for you. Most times, God tests our integrity. These tests are sometimes long and arduous because it takes time to get rid of our old nature. But when we are determined to be obedient we gain victory by passing the test.
Secondly there are trials. Trials are usually used to see how genuine your faith is. Peter is an excellent example of going through a burning trial. Peter emphatically told Jesus that he would die for him but when the trial came, he denied him three times! Peter’s faith was not where he thought it was. Sure, his intentions were good, but he spoke beyond his abilities. Christians, that is why we should never say what we will or will not do because in times of intense trial...WE DO NOT KNOW WHAT WE WILL DO!! Usually we do not exemplify Christ when we are being lied on or when things are stolen from us or when we are tempted in our flesh to curse, have sex, fight, drink smoke, be prideful, be rebellious etc. Our flesh is limitless when it comes to sin.
Peter had too much confidence in his flesh. The bible clearly states that we should not do that: Phillipians 3:3 - For we are the circumcision, which worship God in the spirit, and rejoice in Christ Jesus, and have no confidence in the flesh. Our confidence is to be in Christ at all times.
Then there are times when we go through trials that are strictly not our fault. I would call these “friendly fire” trials. You will have to fight because of what someone else did. God will use that too in order to build your character and make you more like Christ Jesus.
Let’s keep our fight in perspective. The fight for victory is about your soul. Nothing else. If there is anything else that you gain from the fight, it is a blessing and an honor from the Lord! Material things are not the goal. The goal is to gain dominance over your soul.
Through the fight, you will gain victory over your soul little by little. In addition, each victory brings increased and stronger faith, knowledge of who God is and how he operates in your life, more fruit of the Spirit and strength to fight the next battle.
Ultimately, before your days end, you will be able to say like Paul -
II Timoth 4:6-7 - For I am now ready to be offered, and the time of my departure is at hand. I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith.
Fight well my friends!
The Five Stages of Relationships – Stage 5: Marriage
The essence of marriage used to be a mystery to me. I have spoken to numerous couples: married, engaged and courting. I have heard all sorts of stories and have gotten lots of wisdom. Yet the one answer to the question I posed seemed to elude me – Why is marriage so hard for couples? This question resulted in my fear of marriage. Yes, I could date, and yes I could be in a relationship. But when it came to marriage it seemed a mind-blowing fear came upon me. In my heart I wanted to be married, but to actually visualize it – to actually think that I could be married - seemed impossible.
Why?
For many reasons. But one married woman’s situation helped me get the answer I had been looking for to the question that haunted me for years. Her story was nothing I had never heard before, yet it was something about the way she said it that made me seek God’s face for an answer. She said, “I have been with my husband for ten years before we got married and we’ve been married for five years. As soon as we got married, he changed. He gets on my nerves all the time and I don’t know what to do. Being married to him is so hard!” Now, again, I am telling you that this is not the first time I’ve heard this statement from wives as well as husbands. Usually I would laugh at the comment the and just keep moving. But this time…this one time I could not shake it. As soon as she said this I immediately thought – How in the blazes could ANYTHING surprise you after knowing and living with someone for fifteen years???? What could be new?? What didn’t you know and why in the world would it be so hard for you to deal with? You were with the man for FIFTEEN years, it’s not like you just met him!!
My inquisitiveness irked me so much until I had to seek God! I thought that if I was going to EVER be married, I needed the answer to that question. I purposed to fast and pray so I could hear God clearly. When I got home I lay across my bed ready to hear from Him. To my surprise, I did not have to turn my plate down and I did not have to pray for hours. He answered me quickly by giving me one word: DEATH (which is our last keyword). People who marry do not understand that marriage is a covenant based on death. It is not a contract. Contracts are between people. Covenants are made with God. The process of becoming one flesh brings death! And I'm sure we all know that the process of dieing is painful. No one dies skipping to their grave! You must understand married couples, that marriage is not based on love, money or intellect. You can have all those things in the marriage, but the foundation of marriage is DEATH!
When God sees a married couple, he sees ONE person not TWO. Jesus summed it up like this – Matthew 19:5-6 And (Jesus) said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Now, if you are friends, dating, courting and even engaged, you are TWO separate people. The marriage covenant does not apply to you. But once you get married you are covenanted with God! You are now (or should be) working in harmony with God and your spouse so you can become ONE! And every day is a process of bringing oneness – socially, mentally, financially and physically. This is very difficult if you marry someone that does not understand the marriage covenant. There is absolutely no way you can die to become one flesh when you or your spouse’s mind and heart are dedicated to self-preservation. I should note that you never become one spiritually because every person is responsible for giving their life to Christ. That is why Jesus said the two shall become one FLESH – not SPIRIT!
When you live a continual life of being separate while you are married, the covenant of death will be extremely hard for you because the covenant of death is not optional, it comes with the I DO! It doesn’t matter if you write your own vows or get married jumping out of a speeding train. Marriage brings death. If both of you do not understand and submit to this both of you will fight each other tooth and nail to keep and maintain your “sense of individuality”. That worldly concept is does not apply to marriage. You must learn to die.
Now, this does not mean that you can’t have things that you enjoy doing by yourselves. This means that your home should exude agreement, harmony, peace and direction in order to please your spouse. You should both be going and flowing with the same purpose. Both of you should lay down your self interests to please the other. If there is something that disturbs the flow and spirit of your family then it is to DIE so that your marriage can live. Yes, you can compromise, but if your compromise hinders the flow of the marriage the thing that you are compromising about goes on the chopping block! That includes hobbies, friends, ideas, family, work, etc - anything that hinders the flow of your marriage. Husbands, your wife comes first! Wives, your husbands come first! There is no one person that is the star of the show. You both die so that the marriage can live.
Now, if the married couple does not learn the covenant principle of dieing, several things WILL happen:
1. You WILL put something in the place of your spouse. It can be your children, money, your job, your pride, your rebellion, your hobbies, your friends and even God (yes, the super-spiritual can neglect their spouse in the name of God). You whole household will be out of order (remember – God is about order).
2. You WILL force yourself to live like single people in one home. You will embrace separateness and not oneness
3. You WILL justify your need for “individuality” and neglect the needs of your spouse and home
4. You WILL commit adultery
5. You WILL allow the devil to tear up your home with strife, anger, bitterness and contention
6. You WILL get a divorce
This is why the divorce rate is so high. Most married couples have not learned nor have they been obedient to the covenant of death. Quite often one spouse is dying while th other is given wholeheartedly to self preservation. Jesus said “Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a kernel of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”
TRANSLATION: If you do not learn how to kill and bury your self will – you will wander this earth alone, unfulfilled and miserable.
Married couples, I encourage you to DIE so your marriage can LIVE!
Why?
For many reasons. But one married woman’s situation helped me get the answer I had been looking for to the question that haunted me for years. Her story was nothing I had never heard before, yet it was something about the way she said it that made me seek God’s face for an answer. She said, “I have been with my husband for ten years before we got married and we’ve been married for five years. As soon as we got married, he changed. He gets on my nerves all the time and I don’t know what to do. Being married to him is so hard!” Now, again, I am telling you that this is not the first time I’ve heard this statement from wives as well as husbands. Usually I would laugh at the comment the and just keep moving. But this time…this one time I could not shake it. As soon as she said this I immediately thought – How in the blazes could ANYTHING surprise you after knowing and living with someone for fifteen years???? What could be new?? What didn’t you know and why in the world would it be so hard for you to deal with? You were with the man for FIFTEEN years, it’s not like you just met him!!
My inquisitiveness irked me so much until I had to seek God! I thought that if I was going to EVER be married, I needed the answer to that question. I purposed to fast and pray so I could hear God clearly. When I got home I lay across my bed ready to hear from Him. To my surprise, I did not have to turn my plate down and I did not have to pray for hours. He answered me quickly by giving me one word: DEATH (which is our last keyword). People who marry do not understand that marriage is a covenant based on death. It is not a contract. Contracts are between people. Covenants are made with God. The process of becoming one flesh brings death! And I'm sure we all know that the process of dieing is painful. No one dies skipping to their grave! You must understand married couples, that marriage is not based on love, money or intellect. You can have all those things in the marriage, but the foundation of marriage is DEATH!
When God sees a married couple, he sees ONE person not TWO. Jesus summed it up like this – Matthew 19:5-6 And (Jesus) said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh? Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.
Now, if you are friends, dating, courting and even engaged, you are TWO separate people. The marriage covenant does not apply to you. But once you get married you are covenanted with God! You are now (or should be) working in harmony with God and your spouse so you can become ONE! And every day is a process of bringing oneness – socially, mentally, financially and physically. This is very difficult if you marry someone that does not understand the marriage covenant. There is absolutely no way you can die to become one flesh when you or your spouse’s mind and heart are dedicated to self-preservation. I should note that you never become one spiritually because every person is responsible for giving their life to Christ. That is why Jesus said the two shall become one FLESH – not SPIRIT!
When you live a continual life of being separate while you are married, the covenant of death will be extremely hard for you because the covenant of death is not optional, it comes with the I DO! It doesn’t matter if you write your own vows or get married jumping out of a speeding train. Marriage brings death. If both of you do not understand and submit to this both of you will fight each other tooth and nail to keep and maintain your “sense of individuality”. That worldly concept is does not apply to marriage. You must learn to die.
Now, this does not mean that you can’t have things that you enjoy doing by yourselves. This means that your home should exude agreement, harmony, peace and direction in order to please your spouse. You should both be going and flowing with the same purpose. Both of you should lay down your self interests to please the other. If there is something that disturbs the flow and spirit of your family then it is to DIE so that your marriage can live. Yes, you can compromise, but if your compromise hinders the flow of the marriage the thing that you are compromising about goes on the chopping block! That includes hobbies, friends, ideas, family, work, etc - anything that hinders the flow of your marriage. Husbands, your wife comes first! Wives, your husbands come first! There is no one person that is the star of the show. You both die so that the marriage can live.
Now, if the married couple does not learn the covenant principle of dieing, several things WILL happen:
1. You WILL put something in the place of your spouse. It can be your children, money, your job, your pride, your rebellion, your hobbies, your friends and even God (yes, the super-spiritual can neglect their spouse in the name of God). You whole household will be out of order (remember – God is about order).
2. You WILL force yourself to live like single people in one home. You will embrace separateness and not oneness
3. You WILL justify your need for “individuality” and neglect the needs of your spouse and home
4. You WILL commit adultery
5. You WILL allow the devil to tear up your home with strife, anger, bitterness and contention
6. You WILL get a divorce
This is why the divorce rate is so high. Most married couples have not learned nor have they been obedient to the covenant of death. Quite often one spouse is dying while th other is given wholeheartedly to self preservation. Jesus said “Verily, verily, I say unto you, Except a kernel of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone: but if it die, it bringeth forth much fruit.”
TRANSLATION: If you do not learn how to kill and bury your self will – you will wander this earth alone, unfulfilled and miserable.
Married couples, I encourage you to DIE so your marriage can LIVE!
The Five Stages of Relationships – Stage 4: Engagement
Ok ladies and gentlemen, you’ve found the love of your life! Now you’re engaged… Congratulations!
You are getting your heads together to plan your big day. Ladies, you are picking out your wedding dress and finding a place for the ceremony. You’ve called all your girlfriends (even your friendemies) and told them you’ve got the best man on earth. Your ring is blingin’ and blangin’ all over the place and you are all sparkles on the inside. Men, you have came – sought – and conquered. YOU ARE THE MAN! You have found the ring that has made your woman swing! Then you meet up with your homeboys at the pool hall and it all comes out…you start weeping and sobbing in their arms like a little baby! With their help (except for the friend who vowed to stay single for the rest of his life), you’ve decided to toss out all of your “possibilities”, “little black books” and old letters for the woman of you dreams. Both of you and your fiancé are now in harmony.
But wait…have you had counseling?
The biblical definition of counsel is direction, guidance and good advice. Some of you may be saying “Well that’s the definition everyone knows.” I beg to differ. The counsel of God is not like the counsel of the world: James 3:17 - But the wisdom that is FROM ABOVE is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
When you get godly counsel, you first encounter purity. There is no filth, uncleanness or impurities in the counsel of God. Then there is peace, which means that the counsel of God does not bring with it strife, confusion and contention. You will not be able to argue with the peace of God. With purity and peace comes the ability to be compliant (intreated). Compliancy means that you will be able to follow the instructions given to you. The instructions will be nothing hard for you to do – unless you choose not to do them. Then it will not be the counsel that is wrong, it will be your rebellion that will get in the way. Godly counsel is also full of mercy and good fruit. I think we all know what mercy is. The term good fruit means that once you follow the instructions that are given to you, you will be able to exhibit these characteristics in your life: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, goodness, meekness, temperance (self control), patience and faithfulness – Galatians 5:17. Godly counsel is also without favoritism. This means the counsel given does not lean towards either side or causes one to have an advantage over the other. Lastly, the counsel is not hypocritical which means it there is no deceit with it.
WOW! The world does not offer this type of counsel.
It is wise to seek someone who has understanding in life matters to counsel you. Once you find a good Christian counselor you must be open, honest and truthful or else the counsel will not work. You must be willing to lay your issues on the table and deal with them, nothing hidden. That brings us to our new keyword: PRESSURE.
Yes, counsel brings extreme pressure because it is designed to get into the milk and crannies of your life that you were unwilling to deal with before. The counselor will ask questions and bring up scenarios, situations and events that you have never thought to talk about. You have to face your demons in counseling. You have to face your past, your faults, weaknesses, ideas, beliefs and all those things you brushed over while you were courting. Plus, you never know how your fiancé will react when finding out your issues for the first time. Talk about pressure!
See, up until this point both of you had everything under control. However, counseling strips away the control. Once stripped both you and your fiancé will ge to see who you really are - to yourselves then to each other! When faced with the real you, will you be able to stand up under the pressure – or will you bail out? Will you view your fiancé differently or will you stand with him/her? Are you willing to deal with the issues that arise or will you run?
It’s a well known fact that men have a very difficult time going to counseling. The primary reason: Ego. Men do not want to be told what to do and they sure don’t want any of their secrets to get out! But men, let me encourage you, you are not weak for going to a counselor. You are strong. It takes a strong man to go into a counselor’s office willing to humble themselves for the betterment of their future family! Don’t fall for the “I am man, therefore I need no one” mentality. That is played out like two-toned jeans. (Wait, are they coming back – LOL)
Some of the questions you may encounter in counseling are:
1. What is your relationship with your parents?
2. Do you want children? Why or Why not?
3. Who will handle the finances? Life insurance? Savings?
4. How will you discipline your children? Who will discipline?
5. Do you think your political views will interfere with your marriage?
6. Women: What is your view of submission?
7. Men: How do you think you will lead your family?
8. What is your religious beliefs i.e., Christian, Islam – (Interfaith marriages happen all the time folks!)
9. What are your sexual preferences?
10. Have you had any traumatic experiences in your life that may become a hindrance in your marriage? Were you raped? Molested?
11. Were you married before? How many times? How did the marriages end?
12. Do you have a history of illness (whether physical or mental) in your family?
Counseling is the most important part of the pre-marital process. As a matter of fact – (and I am not a professional so take this with a grain of salt) I think all marriages should have counseling before they get married and during their first year of marriage. From talking with many married couples I have concluded that counseling is needed for newlyweds. Marriage is new to both of you so it would not hurt to have someone there to guide you through the first year.
One thing about counseling sessions is this: you never know what your fiancé will say! I know you think you know your fiancé, but we all have deep issues that we have never dealt with, we all have different variations of our belief systems and mostly, we all are flawed. If there is any time that you want to be honest and truthful (which you should have been through all the stages) it is now. Why? Because in the Christian marriage there is very little leeway to get out! God does not accept any reason for breaking a marriage. I will get into that next week.
Counseling will bring out thoughts, feelings and past memories that you thought you never had or had suppressed during your life. The greatest thing about counseling is that you bear all before making a concrete commitment to the one you love. Now, let me be so bold as to say that if you fail to get counseling - all those things that you have hidden, suppressed, refused to deal with, brushed over and ran from will invite itself into your marriage! You can run from many people, but you can not run from yourself!
Big decisions are made during the counseling session. Sometimes people find out that the person they chose was the best choice. Then there are other times when counseling reveals that the person they picked is the wrong choice. If you find that you’re fiancé is really not the one for you, I would advise you to not get married. Don’t rationalize it, GET OUT! Hurting momentarily does not compare to suffering for the next 20-50 years! You may also find that your fiancé IS the one for you but you may have to wait another six months. If that is the recommendation of the counselor, I would suggest that you wait. God may want to deal with some issues in the both of you before you marry. However, if you find that your fiancé is the one for you and your counselor says it’s ok to set a date, then HALLELUJAH! God will bless you and your fiancé abundantly. You will have so much favor that it will OVERTAKE YOU!
To all the engaged couples: God loves you and wants the best for you. He loves marriage and the blessings it brings. Do your best to seek godly Christian counseling and do what the counselor asks you to do. Stand under the PRESSURE, you will only be blessed!
Next week: MARRIAGE (Dum-da-dum-dum! Dum-da-dum-dum-dummmmmm!)
You are getting your heads together to plan your big day. Ladies, you are picking out your wedding dress and finding a place for the ceremony. You’ve called all your girlfriends (even your friendemies) and told them you’ve got the best man on earth. Your ring is blingin’ and blangin’ all over the place and you are all sparkles on the inside. Men, you have came – sought – and conquered. YOU ARE THE MAN! You have found the ring that has made your woman swing! Then you meet up with your homeboys at the pool hall and it all comes out…you start weeping and sobbing in their arms like a little baby! With their help (except for the friend who vowed to stay single for the rest of his life), you’ve decided to toss out all of your “possibilities”, “little black books” and old letters for the woman of you dreams. Both of you and your fiancé are now in harmony.
But wait…have you had counseling?
The biblical definition of counsel is direction, guidance and good advice. Some of you may be saying “Well that’s the definition everyone knows.” I beg to differ. The counsel of God is not like the counsel of the world: James 3:17 - But the wisdom that is FROM ABOVE is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be intreated, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality, and without hypocrisy.
When you get godly counsel, you first encounter purity. There is no filth, uncleanness or impurities in the counsel of God. Then there is peace, which means that the counsel of God does not bring with it strife, confusion and contention. You will not be able to argue with the peace of God. With purity and peace comes the ability to be compliant (intreated). Compliancy means that you will be able to follow the instructions given to you. The instructions will be nothing hard for you to do – unless you choose not to do them. Then it will not be the counsel that is wrong, it will be your rebellion that will get in the way. Godly counsel is also full of mercy and good fruit. I think we all know what mercy is. The term good fruit means that once you follow the instructions that are given to you, you will be able to exhibit these characteristics in your life: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, goodness, meekness, temperance (self control), patience and faithfulness – Galatians 5:17. Godly counsel is also without favoritism. This means the counsel given does not lean towards either side or causes one to have an advantage over the other. Lastly, the counsel is not hypocritical which means it there is no deceit with it.
WOW! The world does not offer this type of counsel.
It is wise to seek someone who has understanding in life matters to counsel you. Once you find a good Christian counselor you must be open, honest and truthful or else the counsel will not work. You must be willing to lay your issues on the table and deal with them, nothing hidden. That brings us to our new keyword: PRESSURE.
Yes, counsel brings extreme pressure because it is designed to get into the milk and crannies of your life that you were unwilling to deal with before. The counselor will ask questions and bring up scenarios, situations and events that you have never thought to talk about. You have to face your demons in counseling. You have to face your past, your faults, weaknesses, ideas, beliefs and all those things you brushed over while you were courting. Plus, you never know how your fiancé will react when finding out your issues for the first time. Talk about pressure!
See, up until this point both of you had everything under control. However, counseling strips away the control. Once stripped both you and your fiancé will ge to see who you really are - to yourselves then to each other! When faced with the real you, will you be able to stand up under the pressure – or will you bail out? Will you view your fiancé differently or will you stand with him/her? Are you willing to deal with the issues that arise or will you run?
It’s a well known fact that men have a very difficult time going to counseling. The primary reason: Ego. Men do not want to be told what to do and they sure don’t want any of their secrets to get out! But men, let me encourage you, you are not weak for going to a counselor. You are strong. It takes a strong man to go into a counselor’s office willing to humble themselves for the betterment of their future family! Don’t fall for the “I am man, therefore I need no one” mentality. That is played out like two-toned jeans. (Wait, are they coming back – LOL)
Some of the questions you may encounter in counseling are:
1. What is your relationship with your parents?
2. Do you want children? Why or Why not?
3. Who will handle the finances? Life insurance? Savings?
4. How will you discipline your children? Who will discipline?
5. Do you think your political views will interfere with your marriage?
6. Women: What is your view of submission?
7. Men: How do you think you will lead your family?
8. What is your religious beliefs i.e., Christian, Islam – (Interfaith marriages happen all the time folks!)
9. What are your sexual preferences?
10. Have you had any traumatic experiences in your life that may become a hindrance in your marriage? Were you raped? Molested?
11. Were you married before? How many times? How did the marriages end?
12. Do you have a history of illness (whether physical or mental) in your family?
Counseling is the most important part of the pre-marital process. As a matter of fact – (and I am not a professional so take this with a grain of salt) I think all marriages should have counseling before they get married and during their first year of marriage. From talking with many married couples I have concluded that counseling is needed for newlyweds. Marriage is new to both of you so it would not hurt to have someone there to guide you through the first year.
One thing about counseling sessions is this: you never know what your fiancé will say! I know you think you know your fiancé, but we all have deep issues that we have never dealt with, we all have different variations of our belief systems and mostly, we all are flawed. If there is any time that you want to be honest and truthful (which you should have been through all the stages) it is now. Why? Because in the Christian marriage there is very little leeway to get out! God does not accept any reason for breaking a marriage. I will get into that next week.
Counseling will bring out thoughts, feelings and past memories that you thought you never had or had suppressed during your life. The greatest thing about counseling is that you bear all before making a concrete commitment to the one you love. Now, let me be so bold as to say that if you fail to get counseling - all those things that you have hidden, suppressed, refused to deal with, brushed over and ran from will invite itself into your marriage! You can run from many people, but you can not run from yourself!
Big decisions are made during the counseling session. Sometimes people find out that the person they chose was the best choice. Then there are other times when counseling reveals that the person they picked is the wrong choice. If you find that you’re fiancé is really not the one for you, I would advise you to not get married. Don’t rationalize it, GET OUT! Hurting momentarily does not compare to suffering for the next 20-50 years! You may also find that your fiancé IS the one for you but you may have to wait another six months. If that is the recommendation of the counselor, I would suggest that you wait. God may want to deal with some issues in the both of you before you marry. However, if you find that your fiancé is the one for you and your counselor says it’s ok to set a date, then HALLELUJAH! God will bless you and your fiancé abundantly. You will have so much favor that it will OVERTAKE YOU!
To all the engaged couples: God loves you and wants the best for you. He loves marriage and the blessings it brings. Do your best to seek godly Christian counseling and do what the counselor asks you to do. Stand under the PRESSURE, you will only be blessed!
Next week: MARRIAGE (Dum-da-dum-dum! Dum-da-dum-dum-dummmmmm!)
The Five Stages of Relationships – Stage 3: Courtship
You’re still here?? Wow, I almost didn’t make it myself! This series has been very soul searching so far.
Soooo, are you ready to court? We’ll see…
The Merriam Websters Dictionary defines courting as the active involvement of engaging in social activities leading to engagement and marriage. We know this can’t be all that is involved in the courting process because that is what you were doing in the first two stages of building your relationship. So, what is the difference between dating and courting?
There are several things that become deeper when you (men) have found the one you want to court. First, you become exclusive one to another. You and she are not seeing anyone else. Secondly, both of you become more involved emotionally and mentally with each other. This means you may share some of your intimate life experiences with her and she will share hers. Thirdly, both of you will start letting down your guard. This means the walls of defense and offense are slowly chipping away. YOU BOTH ARE NOW VULNERABLE TO EACH OTHER.
Now with vulnerability comes our new key word. Remember, with friendship it was non-obligation. With dating it was compatibility. Now, with courting the keyword is TRUST! Ask yourself this question: Can you trust your boyfriend? Can you trust your girlfriend? I’m sure the first thing you are thinking is “Can I trust them not to cheat on me?” But no, I am not only referring to cheating. I am asking this – Can you trust the person you are courting with your SOUL!
[GASP!]
1. Can the man/woman you are courting keep your secrets?
2. Can you trust them with your fears?
3. Can you trust them with your goals?
4. Can you trust them with the horrid details of your past?
5. Can you trust them with your weaknesses?
6. Can you trust them with your strengths?
All of these areas are access points to your soul. I’m telling you now, if you can’t trust the person you are courting…go back to the dating process! Why? Because the person you are courting is the person who should strengthen you, not weaken you! If you find yourself weaker than you were before you started courting them, you picked the wrong person to court.
See, I have found out that there are signs blazing in our faces when we are in relationships. But we do not pay attention to them. We make excuses because we want the person in our lives for one reason or another. We lie to ourselves and make ourselves believe that what we are seeing and hearing really isn’t there. Ladies and gentlemen…it’s there, and it is not going away!
Now, before you dump the person you are courting there is always room for growth (remember, this is Growing in Grace!). So what you want to do is give the person you are courting an opportunity to rebound from their mistakes. This is where they “prove” their ability to either bring strength to the relationship or deterioration. However, if you find that all the details of your life are floating around on 52nd Street, it’s time to roll out!
You want scripture? I’ve got one: Proverbs 4:23 - Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. The word “keep” means to stand guard. The phrase “issues of life” are the things that pour out of your soul. Translation: Guard the things that pour out of your soul.
That was an Old Testament scripture, I have a New Testament scripture as well: Matthew 7:6 – Give not that which is holy to the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. The things that are holy are the things that are most sacred to you. The pearls represent your experiences and wisdom that you accumulated over your life. Translation: Don’t share your precious goods with those who posses the spirit of a swine and dog. They will take those things that are precious to you and run over them while showing no regard for your feelings. Then they will turn around and show blatant disrespect by trampling you!
Yes, the bible is just that deep!
See, each stage in relationships that reveal certain things. In the friendship stage, you don’t reveal your life’s issues because you are just having a good time and not thinking about a relationship. Then while you are dating, you can only go by what the person is telling you and what you see. You are still dealing on the surface level while dating. But in courting, you are no longer on the surface. You are voluntarily letting your heart open so you can share it with someone else. That takes trust!
Also I mentioned in the friendship stage that lying will kill a relationship. I have spoken to many people who have been connected with someone that lived a life of lies. They have lied about their former spouses, age, profession, their true feelings, former girl/boyfriends, etc. It does not pay to lie to the person you are courting. Your goal is to build a strong foundation so your relationship will last. Little white lies and big brown ones will destroy a relationship quickly because LIES KILL TRUST.
Courting is a time of learning how to trust the person you are with. It really is not a game because this person could potentially be the person you will spend the next 50 years with! So men, be wise. Pick the woman you want veeerry carefully! Women, be wise. Don’t say yes right away. Think!
Whew! You made it through the half-way mark. Ready to go a little further?
Next time: Engagement
Soooo, are you ready to court? We’ll see…
The Merriam Websters Dictionary defines courting as the active involvement of engaging in social activities leading to engagement and marriage. We know this can’t be all that is involved in the courting process because that is what you were doing in the first two stages of building your relationship. So, what is the difference between dating and courting?
There are several things that become deeper when you (men) have found the one you want to court. First, you become exclusive one to another. You and she are not seeing anyone else. Secondly, both of you become more involved emotionally and mentally with each other. This means you may share some of your intimate life experiences with her and she will share hers. Thirdly, both of you will start letting down your guard. This means the walls of defense and offense are slowly chipping away. YOU BOTH ARE NOW VULNERABLE TO EACH OTHER.
Now with vulnerability comes our new key word. Remember, with friendship it was non-obligation. With dating it was compatibility. Now, with courting the keyword is TRUST! Ask yourself this question: Can you trust your boyfriend? Can you trust your girlfriend? I’m sure the first thing you are thinking is “Can I trust them not to cheat on me?” But no, I am not only referring to cheating. I am asking this – Can you trust the person you are courting with your SOUL!
[GASP!]
1. Can the man/woman you are courting keep your secrets?
2. Can you trust them with your fears?
3. Can you trust them with your goals?
4. Can you trust them with the horrid details of your past?
5. Can you trust them with your weaknesses?
6. Can you trust them with your strengths?
All of these areas are access points to your soul. I’m telling you now, if you can’t trust the person you are courting…go back to the dating process! Why? Because the person you are courting is the person who should strengthen you, not weaken you! If you find yourself weaker than you were before you started courting them, you picked the wrong person to court.
See, I have found out that there are signs blazing in our faces when we are in relationships. But we do not pay attention to them. We make excuses because we want the person in our lives for one reason or another. We lie to ourselves and make ourselves believe that what we are seeing and hearing really isn’t there. Ladies and gentlemen…it’s there, and it is not going away!
Now, before you dump the person you are courting there is always room for growth (remember, this is Growing in Grace!). So what you want to do is give the person you are courting an opportunity to rebound from their mistakes. This is where they “prove” their ability to either bring strength to the relationship or deterioration. However, if you find that all the details of your life are floating around on 52nd Street, it’s time to roll out!
You want scripture? I’ve got one: Proverbs 4:23 - Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life. The word “keep” means to stand guard. The phrase “issues of life” are the things that pour out of your soul. Translation: Guard the things that pour out of your soul.
That was an Old Testament scripture, I have a New Testament scripture as well: Matthew 7:6 – Give not that which is holy to the dogs, neither cast your pearls before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn again and rend you. The things that are holy are the things that are most sacred to you. The pearls represent your experiences and wisdom that you accumulated over your life. Translation: Don’t share your precious goods with those who posses the spirit of a swine and dog. They will take those things that are precious to you and run over them while showing no regard for your feelings. Then they will turn around and show blatant disrespect by trampling you!
Yes, the bible is just that deep!
See, each stage in relationships that reveal certain things. In the friendship stage, you don’t reveal your life’s issues because you are just having a good time and not thinking about a relationship. Then while you are dating, you can only go by what the person is telling you and what you see. You are still dealing on the surface level while dating. But in courting, you are no longer on the surface. You are voluntarily letting your heart open so you can share it with someone else. That takes trust!
Also I mentioned in the friendship stage that lying will kill a relationship. I have spoken to many people who have been connected with someone that lived a life of lies. They have lied about their former spouses, age, profession, their true feelings, former girl/boyfriends, etc. It does not pay to lie to the person you are courting. Your goal is to build a strong foundation so your relationship will last. Little white lies and big brown ones will destroy a relationship quickly because LIES KILL TRUST.
Courting is a time of learning how to trust the person you are with. It really is not a game because this person could potentially be the person you will spend the next 50 years with! So men, be wise. Pick the woman you want veeerry carefully! Women, be wise. Don’t say yes right away. Think!
Whew! You made it through the half-way mark. Ready to go a little further?
Next time: Engagement
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